1
00:00:29,076 --> 00:00:30,828
( CELL PHONE RINGING )

2
00:00:31,621 --> 00:00:33,456
( GRUNTS QUESTIONINGLY )

3
00:00:33,623 --> 00:00:35,374
( CELL PHONE RINGING )

4
00:00:35,791 --> 00:00:38,794
LOU: <i>Whose fucking phone is on?</i>

5
00:00:39,962 --> 00:00:41,172
MAN: Uh, we're going
to just touch you up.

6
00:00:41,255 --> 00:00:42,965
- Okay, Mr. Dorchen?
- Hey.

7
00:00:43,633 --> 00:00:45,218
Do I need nipple rouge?

8
00:00:45,301 --> 00:00:46,677
MAN: Uh, can we get... I don't, uh...

9
00:00:46,761 --> 00:00:48,512
Do I need any nipple rouge?

10
00:00:48,804 --> 00:00:51,015
MAN: Yeah.
Touch up his nipples, please.

11
00:00:51,098 --> 00:00:52,099
( GIGGLES )

12
00:00:52,183 --> 00:00:54,227
What kind of brush is that?
Is that rabbit fur?

13
00:00:54,727 --> 00:00:57,313
NARRATOR: <i>Lou Dorchen,</i>
<i>the legendary lead singer</i>

14
00:00:57,396 --> 00:00:59,315
<i>of metal supergroup Motley Lue,</i>

15
00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:01,984
<i>who burst onto the world stage
out of nowhere</i>

16
00:01:02,109 --> 00:01:04,570
<i>to become the very definition
of a rock god.</i>

17
00:01:04,654 --> 00:01:07,823
<i>Livin' the dream with
high school sweetheart Kelly Dorchen.</i>

18
00:01:07,990 --> 00:01:10,868
<i>So how did the ultimate party
animal get the inspiration</i>

19
00:01:10,952 --> 00:01:13,204
<i>to build the most innovative,
forward-thinking</i>

20
00:01:13,287 --> 00:01:15,039
<i>tech company in the world?</i>

21
00:01:15,122 --> 00:01:18,251
I don't have to tell you where I got
my inspiration from, first of all.

22
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:20,920
Because that's called
"intellectual property"

23
00:01:21,003 --> 00:01:22,546
and I can copyright that shit.

24
00:01:22,630 --> 00:01:24,423
Just like I copyrighted the word "well,"

25
00:01:24,507 --> 00:01:26,759
so you can't even say "well"
without paying me money.

26
00:01:27,677 --> 00:01:29,553
- MAN: Uh, well, um...
- You owe me money.

27
00:01:29,637 --> 00:01:31,722
NARRATOR: <i>Lou Dorchen's</i>
<i>best friend is yet another</i>

28
00:01:31,806 --> 00:01:34,433
<i>American success story,
music mogul Nick Webber.</i>

29
00:01:34,517 --> 00:01:37,186
Ever since I wrote <i>Let's Get It Started</i>
back in '86,

30
00:01:37,270 --> 00:01:38,312
I've been on a roll.

31
00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:41,774
<i>Uh,</i> MMMBop, <i>triple platinum.</i>

32
00:01:41,857 --> 00:01:44,610
<i>A lot of stations still playin'</i>
Gin and Juicey Juice.

33
00:01:44,694 --> 00:01:47,697
You Oughta Know.
Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

34
00:01:47,863 --> 00:01:49,657
<i>I guess you could say
I take from a lot of artists.</i>

35
00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:52,702
Take my inspiration from a lot of artists.

36
00:01:52,868 --> 00:01:53,869
I don't...

37
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,956
I don't take their stuff.

38
00:01:57,123 --> 00:01:59,250
That's... Who would do that?

39
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,961
- Yeah. Ask me anything.
- MAN: Okay. ( CLEARS THROAT )

40
00:02:02,044 --> 00:02:04,255
How's your relationship with your father?

41
00:02:04,338 --> 00:02:05,631
I don't want to talk about that.

42
00:02:05,715 --> 00:02:08,134
NARRATOR: <i>Still struggling to find</i>
<i>his own place in the world,</i>

43
00:02:08,217 --> 00:02:11,637
<i>Jacob Dorchen comments on his
father's game-changing innovation.</i>

44
00:02:12,013 --> 00:02:15,099
He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.

45
00:02:15,391 --> 00:02:17,977
He couldn't invent his way
out of a fucking paper bag.

46
00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:20,563
And that's... That's not a turn of phrase,

47
00:02:20,646 --> 00:02:22,315
that's anecdotal evidence.

48
00:02:22,398 --> 00:02:25,067
He got caught in a giant paper
bag a couple weeks ago.

49
00:02:25,234 --> 00:02:27,403
Adam... Adam Yates.
Yes, he rounds out

50
00:02:27,945 --> 00:02:29,530
<i>our Three Musketeer posse.</i>

51
00:02:29,613 --> 00:02:31,532
<i>He made it real big
with his bestselling novel,</i>

52
00:02:31,615 --> 00:02:33,242
Jacuzzi Timelord.

53
00:02:33,576 --> 00:02:37,580
But Adam, he's, uh...
He's off on an experiential journey.

54
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,915
I got a feeling we'll see him again.

55
00:02:42,209 --> 00:02:43,336
I got a feeling.

56
00:02:43,419 --> 00:02:44,920
( SINGING UPBEAT SONG )

57
00:02:48,591 --> 00:02:49,759
Just came to me.

58
00:02:49,925 --> 00:02:51,802
NARRATOR:
<i>One fateful ski trip in 1986</i>

59
00:02:51,886 --> 00:02:54,263
<i>seemed to kick-start
their lives into high gear.</i>

60
00:02:54,347 --> 00:02:55,598
<i>But what was it like to grow up</i>

61
00:02:55,681 --> 00:02:57,433
<i>alongside these future stars?</i>

62
00:02:57,516 --> 00:02:59,727
<i>We turned to high school pal,
Gary Winkle.</i>

63
00:02:59,852 --> 00:03:00,895
I bet you guys didn't know

64
00:03:00,978 --> 00:03:02,188
that I was supposed
to go on that trip, huh?

65
00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:04,648
- I stood outside all day...
-( WHIMPERS )

66
00:03:04,732 --> 00:03:07,735
...but they never showed.
Left me hanging.

67
00:03:08,110 --> 00:03:09,570
You know what I got that weekend?

68
00:03:09,653 --> 00:03:11,655
Chlamydia from the batting cages.

69
00:03:11,739 --> 00:03:14,200
<i>My best buddies go up
the mountain as regular Joes.</i>

70
00:03:14,283 --> 00:03:17,620
Come down fucking rich.
I mean, how did that happen?

71
00:03:17,995 --> 00:03:19,455
I mean, at the end of the day,

72
00:03:19,538 --> 00:03:21,374
I'm just a simple guy like you

73
00:03:21,457 --> 00:03:23,584
who had a couple of great ideas

74
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:26,087
that happen to make him
a bunch of money. That's it.

75
00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:28,506
I mean, how was I supposed to know

76
00:03:28,672 --> 00:03:31,884
that it would change the fabric
of our existence? I couldn't.

77
00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:35,679
You know, I couldn't,
unless I had some sort of...

78
00:03:36,722 --> 00:03:37,973
( SCOFFS )

79
00:04:03,874 --> 00:04:05,501
( SINGS PARODY OF
MELANCHOLIC POP SONG )

80
00:04:39,869 --> 00:04:42,621
Cut! Let's reset. Do it again.

81
00:04:43,122 --> 00:04:44,623
One word, Nick. Fucking amazing...

82
00:04:44,707 --> 00:04:46,709
Don't fuck with my groove, Terry.

83
00:04:52,214 --> 00:04:53,257
- JACOB: Hey, Nick.
<i>- Youngblood.</i>

84
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,593
- Rip off any pop stars lately?
-( FAKE LAUGH )

85
00:04:55,676 --> 00:04:58,387
<i>For your information,
today I recorded an original piece.</i>

86
00:04:58,470 --> 00:04:59,471
Really?

87
00:04:59,555 --> 00:05:01,056
Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.

88
00:05:01,182 --> 00:05:02,766
<i>Well, as much of it as I could remember.</i>

89
00:05:02,892 --> 00:05:04,393
The lyrics I made up were original.

90
00:05:04,727 --> 00:05:07,563
Listen, Nick, I get it.
You don't have any natural talent.

91
00:05:07,646 --> 00:05:09,481
All I know is that hot tub made me a king.

92
00:05:09,565 --> 00:05:11,317
It's my duty to live up to the throne.

93
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,610
All right, I can't see you right now,

94
00:05:12,693 --> 00:05:15,362
but I'm gonna assume you're putting
"king" and "throne" in quotes.

95
00:05:17,281 --> 00:05:18,324
<i>What do you want?</i>

96
00:05:18,407 --> 00:05:21,035
Hey, Nick, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be a dick.

97
00:05:21,118 --> 00:05:22,161
Are you coming to Lou's party?

98
00:05:22,453 --> 00:05:25,664
I gotta talk to Courtney.
I'm... I don't know.

99
00:05:25,748 --> 00:05:27,374
- How is Courtney?
<i>- You know.</i>

100
00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:29,251
Oh, really? Still fighting, huh?

101
00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:31,086
Why don't you just write her
a Josh Groban song?

102
00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:32,254
-( HANGS UP )
-( SIGHS )

103
00:05:32,338 --> 00:05:33,339
( LAUGHS )

104
00:05:33,422 --> 00:05:34,465
Hello?

105
00:05:34,673 --> 00:05:37,760
( SNORTING ) Oh, shit!

106
00:05:38,052 --> 00:05:39,845
Cocaine!

107
00:05:40,054 --> 00:05:41,472
- Fuck me!
-( COCKS GUN )

108
00:05:42,598 --> 00:05:44,433
Oh, God! Oh, my God!

109
00:05:44,725 --> 00:05:47,019
Don't fucking sneak up
on me like that, huh?

110
00:05:47,102 --> 00:05:48,354
Knock on something.

111
00:05:48,437 --> 00:05:50,773
You took most of the doors out
and put beads up, Lou.

112
00:05:50,856 --> 00:05:52,316
What am I supposed to
fucking knock on?

113
00:05:52,399 --> 00:05:53,776
What do you want?

114
00:05:53,859 --> 00:05:56,237
Put it down!
What do you want, a round of applause?

115
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,867
"Thank you, Jacob, for making sure
we don't starve to death.

116
00:06:01,951 --> 00:06:03,410
"Even though this is
completely ridiculous

117
00:06:03,494 --> 00:06:05,788
"and inappropriate, what we're doing."
You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

118
00:06:05,871 --> 00:06:07,706
I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

119
00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:09,833
The fuck are you still doing here?

120
00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:11,794
Today's my birthday, by the way.

121
00:06:12,378 --> 00:06:13,545
Happy Birthday!

122
00:06:14,046 --> 00:06:16,423
- Oh, thanks, Mom.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

123
00:06:16,966 --> 00:06:21,262
I got you... I got you something.
It'll be here tomorrow via FedEx.

124
00:06:21,595 --> 00:06:22,596
Right.

125
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:25,015
Daddy's little buddy
is turning into Daddy's big buddy.

126
00:06:25,099 --> 00:06:27,268
I'm going to help you out.
It's not really my birthday.

127
00:06:27,351 --> 00:06:28,602
Do you know what day it is?

128
00:06:28,727 --> 00:06:32,106
Mmm... ( POPS )

129
00:06:34,108 --> 00:06:35,276
Okay.

130
00:06:35,359 --> 00:06:36,443
Enjoy your shit.

131
00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:39,405
The sooner you choke to death on it,
the sooner I get all this.

132
00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:41,865
Any other questions,
or is this interview over?

133
00:06:44,743 --> 00:06:47,955
Don't let the lack of a door
hit you on the way out.

134
00:06:48,372 --> 00:06:50,332
( SIGHS ) He just gets me so mad.

135
00:06:50,416 --> 00:06:51,583
So, who is he?

136
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,168
That's my butler.

137
00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:54,878
And our son, consequently.

138
00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:57,381
Oh, my God, right.

139
00:06:58,716 --> 00:07:00,050
Lisa Loeb?

140
00:07:00,342 --> 00:07:02,511
Oh, my God. I can't believe
Nick Webber knows

141
00:07:02,594 --> 00:07:03,887
the name of the cat wrangler.

142
00:07:04,305 --> 00:07:05,639
Yeah. Crazy, right?

143
00:07:05,931 --> 00:07:08,600
You know, I just have to tell you,
I really love this song so much.

144
00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:10,561
- It feels so personal.
- Mmm.

145
00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:12,938
It's almost... Violating.

146
00:07:15,649 --> 00:07:17,234
( SOFTLY ) I'm so sorry.

147
00:07:27,536 --> 00:07:28,871
LOU: Yeah!

148
00:07:31,081 --> 00:07:32,416
Nailed it!

149
00:07:37,963 --> 00:07:39,423
All rise!

150
00:07:40,632 --> 00:07:42,968
Penis Court is now in session!

151
00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:47,514
The honorable
Judge Lou Dorchen presiding.

152
00:07:47,806 --> 00:07:49,641
Uh, Mr. Dorchen, could we get
this board meeting started?

153
00:07:50,017 --> 00:07:51,852
Yeah. Brad, do your thing.

154
00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:53,520
Ladies and gentlemen,

155
00:07:53,604 --> 00:07:55,731
- Lougle is at a crossroads.
- Whoo!

156
00:07:56,106 --> 00:07:59,485
We did it, guys!
We got to the crossroads!

157
00:07:59,818 --> 00:08:02,654
Our competitors,
Lycos and GeoCities, are crushing us.

158
00:08:02,863 --> 00:08:04,782
Those guys are fucking nerds, Brad.

159
00:08:04,865 --> 00:08:06,575
( CHUCKLES ) What about Yahoo, huh?
Where are they?

160
00:08:06,658 --> 00:08:07,951
Yahoo? What's Yahoo?

161
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,328
Exactly.

162
00:08:09,411 --> 00:08:11,538
As your head of RandD, I have to tell you

163
00:08:11,622 --> 00:08:13,707
that Lougle cannot continue
down this path.

164
00:08:13,832 --> 00:08:16,001
Well, that's why I moved us
to New Orleans, Brad,

165
00:08:16,085 --> 00:08:18,379
the Silicon Valley of the South.

166
00:08:18,545 --> 00:08:19,546
Huh?

167
00:08:19,797 --> 00:08:20,798
( LOU GASPS )

168
00:08:20,881 --> 00:08:22,716
Oh, shit! Shit! Susan, look, turn around.

169
00:08:22,841 --> 00:08:24,426
Turn around, right now!
Susan, quick, quick, quick!

170
00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:25,677
I'm not going to look, Lou.

171
00:08:25,969 --> 00:08:27,805
Susan, I promise it's not
a dick and balls this time.

172
00:08:27,888 --> 00:08:29,348
I swear to God. Look, look, look!

173
00:08:29,723 --> 00:08:33,060
Dick and balls!
You looked at a dick and balls!

174
00:08:33,185 --> 00:08:34,395
I burned you.

175
00:08:34,853 --> 00:08:36,313
( CHUCKLES )

176
00:08:36,522 --> 00:08:39,274
I can't believe I let you talk me
into joining this sinking ship.

177
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,944
I was one of <i>Engineering</i>
<i>Quarterly's</i> "30 Under 30."

178
00:08:42,111 --> 00:08:43,362
Really?

179
00:08:43,445 --> 00:08:45,114
I was on track to be "20 Under 40,"

180
00:08:45,197 --> 00:08:47,366
but now I'm "Zero Under Fuck Me"!

181
00:08:47,658 --> 00:08:48,909
You fucked me, Lou.

182
00:08:49,076 --> 00:08:50,661
You fucked my whole life.

183
00:08:50,744 --> 00:08:53,747
My brother works at the NSA
and I work for a madman.

184
00:08:53,872 --> 00:08:55,207
<i>Mad Man</i> is a great show.

185
00:08:55,332 --> 00:08:57,084
Sometimes I wish I could just...

186
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:03,257
Okay, okay.
Looks like you're hungry for an idea.

187
00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:06,385
So why doesn't Uncle Lou give
you guys a little taste, huh?

188
00:09:08,178 --> 00:09:10,973
If you combine the right
amounts of nitrotrinadium

189
00:09:11,056 --> 00:09:15,102
with specifically heated water
in a specialized basin,

190
00:09:15,185 --> 00:09:18,689
you get the elements
necessary for time travel!

191
00:09:18,814 --> 00:09:20,524
( IMITATES COCKING SHOTGUN )

192
00:09:20,607 --> 00:09:23,986
Boom! Shotgun to the dick!
( GRUNTS )

193
00:09:25,279 --> 00:09:27,197
I'm gonna be in the lab,
trying to save this company.

194
00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:28,615
Yeah!

195
00:09:30,492 --> 00:09:32,453
( HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING )

196
00:09:43,297 --> 00:09:46,258
Why are all these people here?
Are we having another seance?

197
00:09:46,383 --> 00:09:47,718
( CHUCKLES ) Yeah.

198
00:09:47,801 --> 00:09:51,597
Every day's a seance, baby.
Every day's a seance.

199
00:09:51,972 --> 00:09:53,891
I fucking hate you so much, Lou.

200
00:09:53,974 --> 00:09:55,809
I fucking hate you, too, baby.

201
00:09:56,101 --> 00:09:57,936
Courtney, it's not a big deal.

202
00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,855
Well, maybe it's not a big deal to you,

203
00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:02,858
but she's my only sister,
and we never go visit her.

204
00:10:02,941 --> 00:10:05,736
- It's the Grammys.
- It's always the Grammys.

205
00:10:06,945 --> 00:10:10,949
It's not always the Grammys.
Sometimes it's the Grammys.

206
00:10:14,328 --> 00:10:17,664
Oh, wow. Look at you.

207
00:10:17,873 --> 00:10:19,208
Every fucking year, Lou?

208
00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:21,543
Hey, enough with this dad stuff.
Call me Lou.

209
00:10:21,627 --> 00:10:23,212
Why do I have to pretend
to be your butler?

210
00:10:23,462 --> 00:10:24,463
You are my butler.

211
00:10:24,546 --> 00:10:26,548
No, Lou, just 'cause
my room's near the bar

212
00:10:26,632 --> 00:10:28,050
and I'm good at receiving guests and...

213
00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:29,885
Holy fuck, I'm your butler.

214
00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:31,803
Wait... Hey, hey, Lou,
what do you think about,

215
00:10:31,887 --> 00:10:34,848
maybe this summer, you know,
I come work with you at Lougle?

216
00:10:35,057 --> 00:10:36,600
Listen, this is what I'll do for you, okay?

217
00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:38,644
If we ever come up with a division where

218
00:10:38,727 --> 00:10:41,688
you sit on the couch and masturbate
while playing video games,

219
00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:42,940
I'll get you an interview.

220
00:10:43,023 --> 00:10:45,150
You started
an interactive porno division.

221
00:10:45,234 --> 00:10:48,237
We have that.
Even that retarded Venn diagram

222
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,155
you just mentioned, it exists.

223
00:10:50,739 --> 00:10:53,742
Listen, you are a key part
of this operation, Jacob.

224
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:55,035
Really?

225
00:10:55,118 --> 00:10:56,828
You're my chief mixologist!

226
00:10:56,995 --> 00:10:58,163
Yay.

227
00:10:58,372 --> 00:10:59,414
Bloop.

228
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,208
I love you, buddy.

229
00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:05,379
Hey, Courtney. Your tits look fantastic!

230
00:11:05,462 --> 00:11:06,964
Eat shit, Lou.

231
00:11:07,965 --> 00:11:09,341
( CHUCKLING )

232
00:11:10,425 --> 00:11:13,387
( SIGHS )
She's one of the good ones, man.

233
00:11:13,470 --> 00:11:15,347
Come on. Let's get a drink.

234
00:11:15,430 --> 00:11:17,224
( DANCE MUSIC PLAYING )

235
00:11:28,735 --> 00:11:30,904
Jeez. The place
is like a deathtrap, huh?

236
00:11:31,071 --> 00:11:33,365
Just lousy with statues, and the...

237
00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:37,536
Not a lot of coats, right?
Not a lot of coats.

238
00:11:37,703 --> 00:11:39,371
Can I take your jacket?

239
00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:43,584
Oh, no, no, no. I'm actually
kind of "on the job" tonight.

240
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,877
It's my dad's party, he runs Lougle.

241
00:11:46,295 --> 00:11:47,296
What do you do?

242
00:11:47,462 --> 00:11:49,923
( STAMMERS ) You know, I'm just
kind of a Jack-of-all-trades.

243
00:11:50,048 --> 00:11:52,593
- So you're the butler.
- No! ( SCOFFS )

244
00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:56,805
Come on. Do I look like a butler to you?

245
00:11:56,930 --> 00:11:59,266
You look exactly like a butler.

246
00:12:00,142 --> 00:12:01,768
Goddamn, it's good to see you, man.

247
00:12:01,852 --> 00:12:02,936
You, too, buddy.

248
00:12:03,103 --> 00:12:05,689
Man. That tub, huh?

249
00:12:06,523 --> 00:12:07,941
Really turned it all around.

250
00:12:08,025 --> 00:12:09,943
It's the best thing that
ever happened to me.

251
00:12:12,738 --> 00:12:15,657
You ever wish we could
go back for one more dip?

252
00:12:15,741 --> 00:12:17,743
You know, tweak some things?

253
00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:20,454
Use time travel
for more important reasons.

254
00:12:20,912 --> 00:12:22,748
Too bad the tub is gone.

255
00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:24,041
Yeah.

256
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:25,542
Too bad.

257
00:12:26,418 --> 00:12:27,419
Oh, fuck.

258
00:12:29,171 --> 00:12:30,172
Sorry.

259
00:12:30,589 --> 00:12:31,715
What the fuck? Lou...

260
00:12:31,923 --> 00:12:34,551
Nick-nack-paddywhack!
Give a dog a what?

261
00:12:34,635 --> 00:12:36,553
Gary Winkle.

262
00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:39,222
Look at this.
Look, Lou spilled his drink on me

263
00:12:39,306 --> 00:12:41,350
so I don't have to talk to you.

264
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:42,601
Good looking out.

265
00:12:43,101 --> 00:12:44,603
Okay, just laying it all out there.

266
00:12:44,686 --> 00:12:47,022
Where are me and you right now
on a scale of, like,

267
00:12:47,105 --> 00:12:50,400
"dinner and a movie"
to "tropical sex vacation"?

268
00:12:50,651 --> 00:12:52,694
We're on the
"It's never, ever going to happen"

269
00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:53,820
part of the scale.

270
00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:55,781
- So, like a four.
- One and a half.

271
00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:58,617
- Mmm-hmm. ( GULPS )
- Minus the half.

272
00:12:58,742 --> 00:12:59,910
What are you selling, Gary?

273
00:12:59,993 --> 00:13:01,787
What? No love for Gary Winkle?

274
00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:04,498
Okay, but it is a sound
investment this time.

275
00:13:04,581 --> 00:13:05,582
I'm telling you, man.

276
00:13:05,874 --> 00:13:07,042
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

277
00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:08,710
It is only 12 blocks from the river.

278
00:13:08,877 --> 00:13:12,297
Pristine lot.
You can build an office tower,

279
00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:14,800
nightclub, combo, whatever the fuck.

280
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:15,884
I don't care.

281
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:18,178
Okay, I get it, man, I get it.
I get it. I'm a loser.

282
00:13:18,261 --> 00:13:20,597
Okay, I'm always going to be a loser.
I'm not like you guys.

283
00:13:20,681 --> 00:13:23,433
I didn't magically turn it all around
after that ski trip.

284
00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:26,937
All I got is this piece of land,
and I know it's a piece of shit, okay?

285
00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:29,898
But it's... It can be our piece of shit.

286
00:13:29,981 --> 00:13:30,982
Not interested. Pass.

287
00:13:34,986 --> 00:13:38,281
BRUCE BUFFER: <i>We are live!</i>

288
00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:41,410
<i>Coming to you
from the heart of the Bayou.</i>

289
00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:43,495
<i>At the height of his career,</i>

290
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:47,457
<i>worth 2.3 billion dollars,</i>

291
00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:53,296
<i>introducing Lou "the Violator"</i>

292
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:54,715
<i>Dorchen!</i>

293
00:13:54,798 --> 00:13:56,007
( GUESTS CHEERING )

294
00:14:07,394 --> 00:14:08,520
( GLASS SHATTERS )

295
00:14:13,525 --> 00:14:16,236
We've grown quite a bit
over the years, haven't we?

296
00:14:16,319 --> 00:14:18,488
Some of us have achieved our dreams.

297
00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:21,241
Others have found
new dreams to chase.

298
00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:22,868
You know, I bet...

299
00:14:23,118 --> 00:14:25,412
I bet there's not a person
in this room who,

300
00:14:25,495 --> 00:14:27,414
given the chance to do it all over again,

301
00:14:27,497 --> 00:14:29,374
would do it any differently. Am I right?

302
00:14:29,499 --> 00:14:31,376
- Am I right?
-( ALL AGREEING )

303
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,465
Hmm. And if you believe that...

304
00:14:36,548 --> 00:14:40,135
If you truly believe that
in your heart of hearts,

305
00:14:40,218 --> 00:14:41,428
well, then,

306
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:42,804
( SCOFFS )

307
00:14:42,888 --> 00:14:45,724
you're all a bunch of fucking morons!

308
00:14:45,974 --> 00:14:47,058
Genius.

309
00:14:47,225 --> 00:14:51,062
Life is about do-overs, okay?

310
00:14:51,354 --> 00:14:53,815
And if you see your second chance

311
00:14:54,024 --> 00:14:56,943
peeking its dick around
a corner, snatch it!

312
00:14:57,235 --> 00:14:59,362
Grab it! Take my advice.

313
00:14:59,654 --> 00:15:01,573
Look at the people
you love most in this world,

314
00:15:01,656 --> 00:15:04,075
then you tell them
to go fuck themselves.

315
00:15:04,201 --> 00:15:06,244
Because life is about number one.

316
00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:09,539
<i>Numero</i> Lou-no!

317
00:15:09,664 --> 00:15:11,166
( THUNDER RUMBLING )

318
00:15:11,249 --> 00:15:13,251
So come on, it's a party, right?

319
00:15:13,376 --> 00:15:17,172
Let's all get nude and fuck!

320
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:19,466
( ELECTRICITY CRACKLING )

321
00:15:26,431 --> 00:15:27,390
( ALL GASP )

322
00:15:27,474 --> 00:15:28,475
( GROANS )

323
00:15:28,558 --> 00:15:29,726
( ALL SCREAMING )

324
00:15:31,144 --> 00:15:32,354
MAN: Move!

325
00:15:34,481 --> 00:15:37,234
About time someone manned up
and shot the bastard.

326
00:15:39,444 --> 00:15:41,196
- Holy shit, he's been shot.
- In the dick!

327
00:15:41,279 --> 00:15:43,365
Shit! It's bad!
Somebody call an ambulance!

328
00:15:43,448 --> 00:15:44,533
- LOU: Nick.
- Yeah, buddy.

329
00:15:44,616 --> 00:15:46,743
You got your hand on my penis!

330
00:15:46,868 --> 00:15:48,036
I'm applying direct pressure!

331
00:15:48,119 --> 00:15:49,079
You don't have to touch it that hard.

332
00:15:49,162 --> 00:15:50,539
My hand is acting as a tourniquet!

333
00:15:50,622 --> 00:15:51,623
You work his dick. Whatever.

334
00:15:51,748 --> 00:15:53,542
No, no! Lou, Lou! Stay with me!

335
00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:55,043
Stay with me. Look at me. Look at me.

336
00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:56,211
Who shot you?

337
00:15:56,294 --> 00:15:57,546
( STAMMERING )

338
00:15:57,629 --> 00:15:58,964
Chux... Zedo.

339
00:15:59,297 --> 00:16:01,299
Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!

340
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,426
- I think he's saying "tuxedo".
- Tuxedo?

341
00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:04,636
( GROANS ) God, it hurts so bad.

342
00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:05,887
Who the fuck's wearing a tuxedo?

343
00:16:06,012 --> 00:16:07,305
( LOU SOBBING )

344
00:16:08,306 --> 00:16:09,641
What? What?

345
00:16:09,975 --> 00:16:11,726
Okay, first of all, this isn't a tuxedo,

346
00:16:11,810 --> 00:16:13,395
this is a morning suit.
It's way more casual.

347
00:16:13,478 --> 00:16:14,437
Mmm-hmm.

348
00:16:14,521 --> 00:16:15,772
Don't you watch <i>Downton Abbey?</i>

349
00:16:15,856 --> 00:16:18,358
I was standing right there beside you!
I didn't fuckin' shoot him!

350
00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:20,402
I want my dick back!

351
00:16:20,485 --> 00:16:21,903
Lou's gonna fuckin' die!
He's out of time!

352
00:16:22,153 --> 00:16:23,613
No, he's not.

353
00:16:24,239 --> 00:16:25,323
We'll give him more time.

354
00:16:25,490 --> 00:16:27,075
- What?
- Grab his arms.

355
00:16:27,659 --> 00:16:30,704
Oh, God, I take it back! I take it back!

356
00:16:30,954 --> 00:16:34,541
I don't want a shotgun to the dick!
It hurts so much!

357
00:16:34,833 --> 00:16:37,002
Oh, God! Oh, God!

358
00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,422
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Hang on. Trust me.

359
00:16:44,217 --> 00:16:45,218
Whoa.

360
00:16:46,052 --> 00:16:47,387
( LOU GROANING )

361
00:16:47,846 --> 00:16:49,848
( NICK AND JACOB GRUNTING )

362
00:16:55,562 --> 00:16:58,356
Holy shit.

363
00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:01,026
JACOB: I know, right?
NICK: How?

364
00:17:01,359 --> 00:17:02,360
He stole it.

365
00:17:02,527 --> 00:17:05,363
I stole time! I stole the whole ski lodge!

366
00:17:07,949 --> 00:17:10,619
Check it out. Pure nitrotrinadium.

367
00:17:10,702 --> 00:17:11,661
Lou got it from the Russians.

368
00:17:11,745 --> 00:17:12,996
He told them
he's gonna build them a bomb.

369
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:14,080
NICK: Classic Lou.

370
00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:15,540
Yeah. They've never seen
<i>Back to the Future.</i>

371
00:17:15,624 --> 00:17:16,708
All right. Everybody, get in.

372
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:18,752
A little help here.

373
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:20,545
JACOB: Come on, Lou,
you got to earn it.

374
00:17:20,879 --> 00:17:22,464
Adam's trench coat?

375
00:17:22,797 --> 00:17:24,966
What the fuck is this? Is Adam here?

376
00:17:27,802 --> 00:17:29,387
NICK: Stay with me, Violator.

377
00:17:31,306 --> 00:17:34,059
Where's my hair?
It's where my power lies.

378
00:17:34,142 --> 00:17:35,477
JACOB: Fuck your fucking wig.

379
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,271
We gotta go back in time
and stop the killer before he shoots Lou.

380
00:17:38,396 --> 00:17:39,397
( GRUNTING )

381
00:17:41,149 --> 00:17:42,150
No.

382
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:43,193
It's how it works.

383
00:17:43,276 --> 00:17:45,403
We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,

384
00:17:45,487 --> 00:17:46,947
we wake up back in time.

385
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:48,531
Don't mess
with a winning formula, huh?

386
00:17:48,615 --> 00:17:50,241
Don't be a fuckin' pussy!

387
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:53,578
( HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING )

388
00:18:14,432 --> 00:18:17,560
Guys, I feel fucking great!
I think it worked.

389
00:18:30,657 --> 00:18:32,117
( ALL YELLING )

390
00:18:36,955 --> 00:18:37,956
( SCREAMS )

391
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:54,764
JACOB: Lou's not breathing.
NICK: I think he's gone.

392
00:19:15,118 --> 00:19:16,745
Nick, Nick, Nick! Help, help, help!

393
00:19:16,828 --> 00:19:17,912
NICK: Oh, shit.

394
00:19:20,749 --> 00:19:22,083
- Lou, Lou.
- Lou. Lou!

395
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:24,502
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

396
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:29,883
I guess we were too late.

397
00:19:31,009 --> 00:19:33,178
Life is fucking weird, you know?

398
00:19:33,511 --> 00:19:36,014
I spent so much time hating him.

399
00:19:36,514 --> 00:19:38,850
And now that he's gone,
I can't help but feel...

400
00:19:38,933 --> 00:19:39,934
Love.

401
00:19:40,018 --> 00:19:42,187
No. Not love. Don't be stupid.

402
00:19:42,353 --> 00:19:43,354
Respect?

403
00:19:43,605 --> 00:19:45,523
No, that's still way too strong a word.

404
00:19:45,774 --> 00:19:47,108
Admiration?

405
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:49,444
I mean, there's nothing
admirable about him.

406
00:19:49,527 --> 00:19:51,446
Well, I mean, he's your dad.
Honor, maybe?

407
00:19:51,529 --> 00:19:54,157
Not honor. I mean, that falls kind of
with respect and admiration.

408
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,868
Maybe just kind of a...
Just a general sense of...

409
00:19:56,951 --> 00:19:57,952
Missing, you miss him.

410
00:19:58,036 --> 00:19:59,204
- Yeah, I miss him.
- Oh, you miss him. Yeah, yeah.

411
00:19:59,287 --> 00:20:00,330
I motherfucking miss him.

412
00:20:00,413 --> 00:20:02,916
What're you doing? You up in heaven?
Raping angels?

413
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,125
Good for you, buddy.

414
00:20:07,545 --> 00:20:08,755
( SIGHS )

415
00:20:10,173 --> 00:20:11,299
( FARTING )

416
00:20:11,382 --> 00:20:12,634
- Oh, God.
- What the fuck?

417
00:20:12,717 --> 00:20:13,968
I saw this on <i>C.S.I.</i>

418
00:20:14,052 --> 00:20:16,137
The bowels evacuate

419
00:20:16,221 --> 00:20:17,889
-when the body dies.
- Oh.

420
00:20:18,139 --> 00:20:20,391
That smells like hatred.

421
00:20:20,642 --> 00:20:21,976
This is gonna get worse
before it gets better.

422
00:20:22,227 --> 00:20:24,395
- My dick! My dick!
-( BOTH YELLING )

423
00:20:25,230 --> 00:20:27,398
It worked! Holy shit! Wait, look!

424
00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:29,067
Look, look!

425
00:20:29,317 --> 00:20:31,402
That's a good-looking dick to me!

426
00:20:31,528 --> 00:20:32,654
( LAUGHING )

427
00:20:32,737 --> 00:20:34,906
My dick is back!

428
00:20:36,574 --> 00:20:37,700
How far back did we go?

429
00:20:41,704 --> 00:20:43,039
I don't know.

430
00:20:53,883 --> 00:20:57,137
We put a big dryer in
so we don't have to time travel naked.

431
00:20:57,262 --> 00:20:58,763
This is different.

432
00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:02,267
LOU: It's like a Scandinavian gay bar.

433
00:21:03,059 --> 00:21:04,853
Looks like a Miami IKEA.

434
00:21:04,936 --> 00:21:06,229
Dude, it looks amazing.

435
00:21:06,563 --> 00:21:08,731
I mean, look how classy it is.
It's like a museum.

436
00:21:14,737 --> 00:21:15,947
( GASPING )

437
00:21:16,030 --> 00:21:17,115
( GROANS )

438
00:21:18,741 --> 00:21:19,826
Who...

439
00:21:19,909 --> 00:21:20,910
Who is this?

440
00:21:22,537 --> 00:21:23,913
- I think it's Jacob.
-( GASPS )

441
00:21:24,038 --> 00:21:25,165
Why am I bald?

442
00:21:25,456 --> 00:21:27,125
What did you do?

443
00:21:27,292 --> 00:21:28,626
I didn't... I didn't do that.

444
00:21:28,877 --> 00:21:30,461
You look like a pedophile dressed you.

445
00:21:30,628 --> 00:21:32,922
You look like a Jewish Jason Statham.

446
00:21:33,298 --> 00:21:35,800
You look like Michael Chiklis
fucked Big Daddy Warbucks,

447
00:21:35,884 --> 00:21:37,135
who fucked Lex Luthor.

448
00:21:37,719 --> 00:21:38,720
That's what it is.

449
00:21:38,803 --> 00:21:40,805
And... And... Who's the little doggie?

450
00:21:40,889 --> 00:21:43,099
What's he do...
What's he just doing there like this?

451
00:21:43,224 --> 00:21:44,893
Why aren't you fucking that doggie?

452
00:21:44,976 --> 00:21:46,519
Why would I be fucking the dog?

453
00:21:46,603 --> 00:21:47,896
BOTH: Power over nature.

454
00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:49,981
SOPHIE: Hey, you.

455
00:21:52,317 --> 00:21:53,651
Is that the coat-check girl?

456
00:21:56,863 --> 00:21:57,864
Boobs.

457
00:21:57,989 --> 00:21:59,741
Hey, how are you?

458
00:22:02,285 --> 00:22:03,620
I didn't know you had company.

459
00:22:03,828 --> 00:22:05,413
- Yeah...
- Hey, Nick.

460
00:22:05,580 --> 00:22:06,581
'Sup?

461
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,374
What's he doing here?

462
00:22:08,499 --> 00:22:10,001
This is my house.

463
00:22:12,420 --> 00:22:13,796
Think that'll hold you till later?

464
00:22:14,172 --> 00:22:15,548
Yeah, I'm sure.

465
00:22:15,882 --> 00:22:17,759
- Bye, Nick.
- Bye.

466
00:22:17,967 --> 00:22:19,344
- See you at the club?
- Right.

467
00:22:22,931 --> 00:22:25,099
That coat-check girl is rude.

468
00:22:25,308 --> 00:22:26,434
I like her.

469
00:22:26,768 --> 00:22:29,020
I think it's pretty obvious
what's going on here, right.

470
00:22:29,103 --> 00:22:30,104
What?

471
00:22:30,271 --> 00:22:32,899
Alternate universe. Like <i>Fringe.</i>

472
00:22:33,608 --> 00:22:34,651
BOTH: ( SINGING ) <i>Nerd</i>

473
00:22:34,734 --> 00:22:37,403
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

474
00:22:37,487 --> 00:22:38,529
<i>Nerd</i>

475
00:22:38,655 --> 00:22:40,990
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

476
00:22:41,074 --> 00:22:43,576
<i>- Nerd
- And no one likes you</i>

477
00:22:43,701 --> 00:22:44,661
<i>Poindexter</i>

478
00:22:44,744 --> 00:22:45,787
<i>No one likes you</i>

479
00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:47,956
FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE:
<i>Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?</i>

480
00:22:48,039 --> 00:22:49,040
Hello?

481
00:22:49,290 --> 00:22:51,960
<i>Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?</i>

482
00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:54,128
<i>Duck Dynasty?</i>

483
00:22:54,337 --> 00:22:56,589
<i>Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?</i>

484
00:22:56,756 --> 00:22:58,883
<i>Duck Fucking Dynasty!</i>

485
00:22:59,384 --> 00:23:01,052
Just try "the news."

486
00:23:01,219 --> 00:23:03,388
<i>News selected.
Thank you, Mr. Dorchen.</i>

487
00:23:03,471 --> 00:23:04,472
MALE ANNOUNCER 1:
<i>Tune in tomorrow</i>

488
00:23:04,555 --> 00:23:05,848
<i>for the challenge round.</i>

489
00:23:06,057 --> 00:23:09,143
<i>Eat a boot? Eat your feelings.</i>
Choozy Doozy.

490
00:23:09,310 --> 00:23:11,187
I think I may be Mr. Dorchen.

491
00:23:11,312 --> 00:23:12,855
- What? No.
- I think this is my house.

492
00:23:12,939 --> 00:23:14,691
- No way.
- I think he's right, Lou.

493
00:23:14,899 --> 00:23:15,984
- That's impossible.
- You heard it.

494
00:23:16,067 --> 00:23:17,485
- It just answered me.
- Uh-uh!

495
00:23:17,694 --> 00:23:19,487
MALE ANNOUNCER 2: <i>March 26, 2025.</i>

496
00:23:19,570 --> 00:23:22,490
<i>From Comedy Central's World News
headquarters in New York.com,</i>

497
00:23:22,573 --> 00:23:24,826
<i>this is</i> The Daily Show
<i>with Jessica Williams.</i>

498
00:23:24,951 --> 00:23:25,994
2025.

499
00:23:26,828 --> 00:23:28,496
( AUDIENCE CHEERING ON TV )

500
00:23:28,579 --> 00:23:31,916
<i>Hey! Welcome to</i> The Daily Show.
<i>I'm Jessica Williams.</i>

501
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,377
<i>Tonight's guest,
Dame Jennifer Lawrence</i>

502
00:23:34,460 --> 00:23:37,672
<i>promoting her Meryl Streep</i>
<i>biopic,</i> Streepin' It Real.

503
00:23:37,839 --> 00:23:40,508
Hey, how do they get the people
to be on this show?

504
00:23:40,842 --> 00:23:42,969
<i>So, by now you've all seen
the NSA satellite footage</i>

505
00:23:43,052 --> 00:23:44,470
<i>of the road rage incident</i>

506
00:23:44,554 --> 00:23:47,807
<i>between two self-driving
smart cars in New Detroit.</i>

507
00:23:48,016 --> 00:23:49,183
<i>President Neil Patrick Harris has called</i>

508
00:23:49,934 --> 00:23:52,270
<i>for greater regulation of the industry,</i>

509
00:23:52,770 --> 00:23:55,690
<i>while congressional Republicans defend
every sentient automobile's</i>

510
00:23:55,773 --> 00:23:58,359
<i>constitutional right to shoot a black car</i>

511
00:23:58,443 --> 00:23:59,777
<i>if it's actin' funny.</i>

512
00:23:59,902 --> 00:24:01,112
( LAUGHS )

513
00:24:01,654 --> 00:24:03,114
This show's still got it.

514
00:24:03,197 --> 00:24:06,868
Holy shit.
We went 10 years into the future.

515
00:24:11,456 --> 00:24:12,582
Whoa.

516
00:24:13,124 --> 00:24:15,209
I'm distinguished.

517
00:24:15,585 --> 00:24:17,795
Oh, I should shave this, right?

518
00:24:17,962 --> 00:24:19,589
Yeah, that's not a good look.

519
00:24:19,672 --> 00:24:21,424
This is so smooth,
I don't think I went bald.

520
00:24:21,507 --> 00:24:22,550
I think this is a choice,

521
00:24:22,633 --> 00:24:24,969
like Andre Agassi
or Bruce Willis or something.

522
00:24:25,178 --> 00:24:27,472
You don't look
anything like either of those two people.

523
00:24:27,555 --> 00:24:31,017
For one, they're fit and handsome
and you're neither of those things.

524
00:24:31,142 --> 00:24:32,935
You look like a turtle
crawled out of his shell.

525
00:24:33,061 --> 00:24:34,645
Fuck you for making me bald.

526
00:24:34,729 --> 00:24:37,398
You look like
an orchestra conductor for stray cats.

527
00:24:37,482 --> 00:24:39,901
You look like you give
lectures on public access.

528
00:24:39,984 --> 00:24:41,736
You look like a grown-up Gerber baby.

529
00:24:42,153 --> 00:24:44,655
LOU: You look like an egg
gave birth to another egg.

530
00:24:44,781 --> 00:24:46,240
You look like
Gandalf the Poor.

531
00:24:46,324 --> 00:24:47,283
( CHUCKLES )

532
00:24:47,367 --> 00:24:49,494
You look like
you advise Lando Calrissian.

533
00:24:49,619 --> 00:24:50,578
That's a good one.

534
00:24:50,661 --> 00:24:51,913
You look like the guy
that owns the one house

535
00:24:51,996 --> 00:24:53,081
that ruins the whole street.

536
00:24:53,206 --> 00:24:54,999
Have I bombed anything, you think?

537
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:57,085
You look like
you've never made a correct decision.

538
00:24:57,168 --> 00:24:58,294
Ever.

539
00:24:58,461 --> 00:25:01,130
I have definitely given
a back-alley blowjob.

540
00:25:01,339 --> 00:25:02,507
I gotta admit I kinda like this.

541
00:25:02,715 --> 00:25:04,550
I want to hit you into the corner pocket.

542
00:25:04,717 --> 00:25:07,428
Now I know why the coat-check
girl didn't like me.

543
00:25:07,512 --> 00:25:09,305
I look like fucking shit.

544
00:25:13,893 --> 00:25:16,396
So far so good on this future shit, huh?

545
00:25:16,479 --> 00:25:17,980
Yeah. You know what?

546
00:25:18,064 --> 00:25:20,274
I don't feel like anything
bad's going to happen.

547
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:21,901
Uh-oh.

548
00:25:21,984 --> 00:25:24,487
Hey, check it out. I found all
the gear from the painting.

549
00:25:24,570 --> 00:25:25,613
- Cool, huh?
- Whoa.

550
00:25:25,696 --> 00:25:27,031
( LAUGHING )

551
00:25:28,157 --> 00:25:29,784
What happened
to the bottom of your suit?

552
00:25:29,867 --> 00:25:31,327
That pesky little doggie eat it?

553
00:25:31,702 --> 00:25:33,121
It's called fashion, Lou.

554
00:25:33,538 --> 00:25:34,539
You look like...

555
00:25:34,705 --> 00:25:35,706
Nope, not doing anymore
"You look like."

556
00:25:35,832 --> 00:25:36,791
But you look like...

557
00:25:36,874 --> 00:25:38,042
I don't give a shit.
We did it on the stairs.

558
00:25:38,126 --> 00:25:39,127
We did it in front of the mirror.

559
00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:40,545
It'd be tacky to do it a third time.

560
00:25:40,711 --> 00:25:42,547
Anyway, do you guys
want some fresh clothes?

561
00:25:42,630 --> 00:25:44,006
I got a whole closet full of stuff.

562
00:25:44,090 --> 00:25:46,175
I love this shirt. My shit is fly.

563
00:25:46,259 --> 00:25:48,219
Weren't you listening
to my speech, dude?

564
00:25:48,428 --> 00:25:50,179
Always pack a bag.

565
00:25:51,722 --> 00:25:53,266
Hey, is that...

566
00:25:54,517 --> 00:25:55,810
- No. It is not.
- How did you get that?

567
00:25:55,893 --> 00:25:57,270
- I didn't get...
- I know what it...

568
00:25:57,353 --> 00:25:58,563
I saw what it said.

569
00:25:58,813 --> 00:25:59,981
It doesn't say anything!

570
00:26:00,064 --> 00:26:01,190
Was that the Cincinnati box?

571
00:26:01,274 --> 00:26:02,567
( BOTH SHUSHING )

572
00:26:02,733 --> 00:26:05,236
- Don't say that out loud.
- It might hear you.

573
00:26:05,445 --> 00:26:07,405
You're really never
going to tell me what's inside that box?

574
00:26:07,738 --> 00:26:10,450
Okay, we'll tell you. We'll tell him.

575
00:26:10,867 --> 00:26:12,410
- I'm going to tell him.
- NICK: Lou.

576
00:26:12,618 --> 00:26:15,288
It's the Declaration of Independence
with a map on the back.

577
00:26:15,371 --> 00:26:17,415
- Our family's chosen.
- Yep.

578
00:26:17,707 --> 00:26:19,459
That's just the plot of that
movie <i>National Treasure.</i>

579
00:26:19,542 --> 00:26:20,543
It's the Ark of the Covenant.

580
00:26:20,668 --> 00:26:22,879
That's <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark.</i>
You're not even tryin'.

581
00:26:22,962 --> 00:26:24,755
I mean, that's not even
anything that could be in the box.

582
00:26:24,881 --> 00:26:26,549
Okay, this has gone on long enough.

583
00:26:26,632 --> 00:26:27,675
Okay.

584
00:26:27,758 --> 00:26:31,721
It's a ring that turns you invisible
and carries with it the power of evil.

585
00:26:31,846 --> 00:26:34,348
I've seen fucking movies,
you guys! I've seen movies!

586
00:26:34,474 --> 00:26:36,392
Wait, why are you alive?

587
00:26:36,476 --> 00:26:37,518
What?

588
00:26:37,602 --> 00:26:39,395
Why are you alive? We're in the future.

589
00:26:39,479 --> 00:26:41,105
Yeah, you know what? He's right.

590
00:26:41,189 --> 00:26:43,024
'Cause if we went back in time,
you'd be alive.

591
00:26:43,107 --> 00:26:44,859
But we went 10 years
in the fuckin' future.

592
00:26:44,942 --> 00:26:46,027
You should be dead.

593
00:26:46,235 --> 00:26:47,612
Yeah, what the fuck?

594
00:26:47,778 --> 00:26:49,447
What you should be
asking yourselves is,

595
00:26:49,530 --> 00:26:51,157
-"When the fuck?"
-( ALL GASPING )

596
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,117
God damn it!

597
00:26:53,284 --> 00:26:54,660
This fucking guy again!

598
00:26:54,744 --> 00:26:55,745
Why do you do that?

599
00:26:55,953 --> 00:26:57,580
LOU: He's not going to tell us anything.

600
00:26:57,747 --> 00:27:00,082
Hey, why don't you make like a fuck off
and get out of here?

601
00:27:00,249 --> 00:27:04,045
Wait. So all we have to do is go back
and Lou's gonna be okay, right?

602
00:27:04,629 --> 00:27:07,131
It's not that simple, really.

603
00:27:07,298 --> 00:27:09,383
The hot tub doesn't take you
where you want to go.

604
00:27:09,467 --> 00:27:10,885
It takes you where you need to go.

605
00:27:10,968 --> 00:27:11,969
Come on!

606
00:27:12,094 --> 00:27:15,848
There are
certain calculations and innovations

607
00:27:15,932 --> 00:27:19,143
and salutations that haven't
even come to pass yet.

608
00:27:19,435 --> 00:27:21,103
What the hell does that mean?

609
00:27:21,229 --> 00:27:24,524
What it means is, at the present,
your tub here is just a tub.

610
00:27:24,649 --> 00:27:27,151
Wait, are you saying
that time travel is not even possible?

611
00:27:27,318 --> 00:27:30,029
Right on, Liz.
Give the pretty lady a flower.

612
00:27:30,154 --> 00:27:31,489
- Damn it.
- Lizzie.

613
00:27:31,656 --> 00:27:33,658
That's bullshit, okay?

614
00:27:33,741 --> 00:27:36,577
We got a whole vault
of nitro right here. ( GASPS )

615
00:27:37,078 --> 00:27:39,163
Where'd it go? Where did it go?

616
00:27:40,331 --> 00:27:41,999
What did you do with my nitro?

617
00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:44,919
How can I take what doesn't exist yet?

618
00:27:45,086 --> 00:27:47,463
It exists in the past.
How can it not exist in the future?

619
00:27:47,547 --> 00:27:50,174
The past, the future. All very cute.

620
00:27:50,424 --> 00:27:52,468
But who's to say the past
isn't anything more

621
00:27:52,552 --> 00:27:54,845
than the future of this present?

622
00:27:55,263 --> 00:27:56,973
So, nitro is from the future?

623
00:27:57,056 --> 00:27:58,099
( SIGHS )

624
00:27:58,182 --> 00:27:59,433
Like <i>Terminator.</i>

625
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,018
- Yeah.
- Oh! Oh, my God.

626
00:28:01,102 --> 00:28:03,104
You think everything is like <i>Terminator.</i>

627
00:28:03,187 --> 00:28:04,855
'Cause everything is like <i>Terminator!</i>

628
00:28:04,981 --> 00:28:07,024
Arnold's hand gets
chopped off in the past,

629
00:28:07,108 --> 00:28:10,194
somebody finds it, reverse
engineers that shit. Boom!

630
00:28:10,319 --> 00:28:12,655
Terminators running all
around this motherfucker.

631
00:28:12,738 --> 00:28:13,990
That's how we got nitro?

632
00:28:14,490 --> 00:28:16,701
I don't know. I never saw <i>Terminator.</i>

633
00:28:16,993 --> 00:28:19,036
Oh, fuck this guy and his riddles!

634
00:28:20,204 --> 00:28:21,956
-( VOCALIZING )
-( GRUNTS )

635
00:28:27,003 --> 00:28:28,588
Thanks for holding him down for me!

636
00:28:28,754 --> 00:28:29,755
"Hold him down"?

637
00:28:29,839 --> 00:28:31,757
So you can beat to death
the mystical time baron

638
00:28:31,841 --> 00:28:33,342
that holds the keys
to our very existence?

639
00:28:33,426 --> 00:28:35,011
That's your fucking plan here?

640
00:28:35,094 --> 00:28:36,220
( SCOFFS ) Shut up.

641
00:28:36,345 --> 00:28:37,805
Tighten your shit up, Lou.
We needed him.

642
00:28:37,888 --> 00:28:39,056
Amateur hour.

643
00:28:39,807 --> 00:28:41,350
This thing is awesome.

644
00:28:41,517 --> 00:28:42,852
I probably invented it.

645
00:28:42,935 --> 00:28:44,854
"Lou Sux

646
00:28:45,104 --> 00:28:49,233
"Cox N Dix." Flip it.
( LAUGHS )

647
00:28:49,942 --> 00:28:50,943
Okay.

648
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:52,653
Try to stay with me.

649
00:28:52,737 --> 00:28:54,572
This is going to get complicated.

650
00:28:54,697 --> 00:28:56,657
This is time.

651
00:28:57,199 --> 00:28:58,200
( LOU GROANS )

652
00:28:58,326 --> 00:28:59,535
And you're dead.

653
00:28:59,702 --> 00:29:01,579
So Lou is killed in our present,

654
00:29:01,704 --> 00:29:02,997
which means that here, in the future,

655
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,332
he should still be dead.

656
00:29:04,415 --> 00:29:05,583
Well, clearly, he's not fuckin' dead,

657
00:29:05,666 --> 00:29:07,585
'cause he's sittin' here,
still bothering me.

658
00:29:07,668 --> 00:29:09,128
So what that tells me is

659
00:29:09,211 --> 00:29:10,838
we're in a completely different future

660
00:29:10,921 --> 00:29:13,424
on a completely different timeline.

661
00:29:13,507 --> 00:29:16,093
Jacob, I'm the Sarlacc.

662
00:29:16,385 --> 00:29:17,386
( VOCALIZING )

663
00:29:17,470 --> 00:29:18,471
JACOB: Okay.

664
00:29:18,554 --> 00:29:20,264
Anyway, the Repairman said

665
00:29:20,348 --> 00:29:24,852
that the past is actually the future
of the present we're in right now.

666
00:29:25,353 --> 00:29:29,398
So I think what that means is
the killer is from the future.

667
00:29:29,899 --> 00:29:33,194
So clearly, someone from 2025
will go back in time and shoot Lou.

668
00:29:33,444 --> 00:29:34,779
Like <i>Looper.</i>

669
00:29:35,029 --> 00:29:36,113
Wow!

670
00:29:36,572 --> 00:29:38,366
How about a fucking spoiler alert?

671
00:29:38,449 --> 00:29:40,576
"Hey, Lou, you want to go see <i>Looper?"</i>

672
00:29:40,660 --> 00:29:42,453
"Nah, I got a thing I gotta do."

673
00:29:42,662 --> 00:29:44,413
It's in my queue! That counts.

674
00:29:44,538 --> 00:29:46,415
It's the first Bruce Willis
movie we missed.

675
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:48,000
- Is Bruce in that?
- JACOB: Okay.

676
00:29:48,125 --> 00:29:51,879
Plainly, just by virtue of
Lou being here alive in 2025

677
00:29:51,962 --> 00:29:54,340
when we know that he died in 2015,

678
00:29:54,590 --> 00:29:56,258
we're here to stop his future murder.

679
00:29:56,342 --> 00:29:59,053
- Which happens in the past.
- Exactly.

680
00:29:59,136 --> 00:30:00,137
I get this shit.

681
00:30:00,262 --> 00:30:02,056
I'm bored by this shit.

682
00:30:02,139 --> 00:30:04,392
Let's go check out the future
strip club situation.

683
00:30:04,475 --> 00:30:05,476
High five.

684
00:30:05,685 --> 00:30:07,395
Did you just say "high five"
instead of high-fiving?

685
00:30:07,478 --> 00:30:08,813
- High five.
- High five.

686
00:30:09,105 --> 00:30:10,898
That is the laziest thing
I've ever heard.

687
00:30:10,981 --> 00:30:11,941
High five.

688
00:30:12,024 --> 00:30:13,567
You don't have the energy for this?

689
00:30:13,984 --> 00:30:16,237
No, no.
You guys, we can't just fuck around.

690
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,613
We got to find your murderer.

691
00:30:17,697 --> 00:30:19,615
Or we don't have to do any of that

692
00:30:19,699 --> 00:30:21,575
and we go check out a strip club.

693
00:30:21,826 --> 00:30:22,785
( BUZZING )

694
00:30:22,868 --> 00:30:23,911
Oh!

695
00:30:23,994 --> 00:30:26,205
- You flickered.
- Ah, you're flickering.

696
00:30:26,288 --> 00:30:27,873
I flickered... Why am I flickering?

697
00:30:27,957 --> 00:30:29,041
By threatening your own existence.

698
00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:30,710
Have you listened to
anything I've been saying?

699
00:30:30,876 --> 00:30:32,586
I have not listened to any of it.

700
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,548
-( SIGHS )
- God, okay, fine! Fine.

701
00:30:35,631 --> 00:30:39,176
We'll solve my stupid murder,
which hasn't happened yet.

702
00:30:41,137 --> 00:30:43,055
Or we can just go
to a strip club. ( GASPS )

703
00:30:43,556 --> 00:30:44,557
Oh...

704
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,684
All right, fine!
The fucking murder thing.

705
00:30:46,767 --> 00:30:49,603
( HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING )

706
00:31:04,452 --> 00:31:06,203
( BAND PLAYING JAZZ )

707
00:31:12,042 --> 00:31:14,628
Huh. Nothing's really changed.

708
00:31:14,795 --> 00:31:17,089
You'd figure after 10 years,
something would be different, right?

709
00:31:17,715 --> 00:31:19,216
( DOG PANTING )

710
00:31:25,097 --> 00:31:27,433
That's some sexy-ass
future shit right there.

711
00:31:27,641 --> 00:31:30,227
<i>Do you or someone you love
have a problem with</i>

712
00:31:30,311 --> 00:31:32,813
<i>-heroin, speed, ice...</i>
- Yes. Yeah.

713
00:31:32,897 --> 00:31:35,357
<i>-...smack, whack, jack...</i>
- Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

714
00:31:35,441 --> 00:31:37,777
<i>...Al Michaels' Revenge or cocaine?</i>

715
00:31:37,860 --> 00:31:38,903
First order of business,

716
00:31:38,986 --> 00:31:40,863
we get ourselves some
Al Michaels' Revenge, right?

717
00:31:40,946 --> 00:31:44,742
<i>We can help put the "U"
back in "Reuvenate."</i>

718
00:31:44,825 --> 00:31:47,453
We're still demonizing addiction, huh?
Like it's some kind of sickness.

719
00:31:47,828 --> 00:31:49,413
I cannot wait for you to hit rock bottom.

720
00:31:49,497 --> 00:31:50,998
( LAUGHS ) Yeah! Yeah.

721
00:31:51,457 --> 00:31:53,375
Who in the future
would want to kill you, Lou?

722
00:31:53,459 --> 00:31:54,752
I don't know.

723
00:31:54,835 --> 00:31:56,670
The only person who's ever
had any motivation

724
00:31:56,754 --> 00:31:58,506
to kill me has been me.

725
00:31:58,631 --> 00:32:01,133
I treat everyone with the
utmost respect and kindness.

726
00:32:01,258 --> 00:32:03,344
Lou, you tried to push me
down the stairs last week.

727
00:32:03,427 --> 00:32:05,471
- As a joke!
-( SCOFFS )

728
00:32:07,473 --> 00:32:09,266
Oh, my God, it's you.

729
00:32:09,642 --> 00:32:10,851
Jacob is the murderer.

730
00:32:11,101 --> 00:32:13,354
I'm not the murderer. Come on.

731
00:32:13,854 --> 00:32:17,066
Oh, really? Because you seem to have
stepped right into my life.

732
00:32:17,149 --> 00:32:19,944
You always wanted to be
the one fucking that tiger!

733
00:32:20,069 --> 00:32:23,781
Lou, if I was going to fuckin' kill you,
I wouldn't use a gun, okay?

734
00:32:23,864 --> 00:32:27,827
I would spike your mid-morning cocktail
with a tasteless, but potent sedative.

735
00:32:27,910 --> 00:32:30,371
And, while you slept,
I would wait the nine hours

736
00:32:30,454 --> 00:32:32,832
for it to fully flush out of your system,
so there's no trace.

737
00:32:32,915 --> 00:32:37,211
And I would take you out into the Gulf
and feed you to a tiger shark.

738
00:32:37,336 --> 00:32:38,671
Damn, that's cold.

739
00:32:38,838 --> 00:32:40,589
But I wouldn't use a gun. ( SCOFFS )

740
00:32:40,673 --> 00:32:43,801
I'll be making my own mid-morning
cocktail from now on, thank you.

741
00:32:43,884 --> 00:32:46,303
Man, I wish Adam was here.
He'd know what to do.

742
00:32:46,387 --> 00:32:48,347
You just described my whole entire life.

743
00:32:48,430 --> 00:32:50,683
We need Adam and he's not here.

744
00:32:54,186 --> 00:32:55,563
Where the hell is he?

745
00:32:55,688 --> 00:32:57,022
Holy shit.

746
00:32:57,147 --> 00:32:59,149
When we were carrying you
after you got shot,

747
00:32:59,233 --> 00:33:00,317
I saw his trench coat

748
00:33:00,401 --> 00:33:02,403
<i>beside the hot tub time machine.</i>

749
00:33:06,532 --> 00:33:08,033
Adam murdered me.

750
00:33:09,159 --> 00:33:10,369
JACOB: Okay, so Adam shoots Lou,

751
00:33:10,452 --> 00:33:12,621
and then uses the hot tub
to escape somewhere in time.

752
00:33:12,705 --> 00:33:13,706
Textbook.

753
00:33:13,789 --> 00:33:15,791
Only in our fucked-up social circle
is that textbook.

754
00:33:15,874 --> 00:33:17,543
Why would Adam wanna shoot you?

755
00:33:17,626 --> 00:33:20,713
I don't know.
I've only been the best of friends to him.

756
00:33:20,796 --> 00:33:23,382
- You tried to fuck his wife.
- You tried to fuck his wife?

757
00:33:23,465 --> 00:33:26,468
( SCOFFS ) As a joke!
Come on, you guys get that.

758
00:33:26,552 --> 00:33:27,553
BOTH: No.

759
00:33:27,636 --> 00:33:28,637
- You get it.
-( DEVICE BEEPING )

760
00:33:29,805 --> 00:33:32,224
<i>In Lougle financial news,
no surprise here,</i>

761
00:33:32,308 --> 00:33:34,893
<i>Lougle finished trading up
10 points today.</i>

762
00:33:34,977 --> 00:33:37,646
Nice. Looks like
I turned the company around.

763
00:33:38,314 --> 00:33:39,815
I'll turn you around.

764
00:33:40,316 --> 00:33:42,026
Somebody's grumpy
'cause they got murdered.

765
00:33:42,109 --> 00:33:43,444
NICK: Mmm-hmm.

766
00:33:45,654 --> 00:33:46,905
Adam! Come on out!

767
00:33:46,989 --> 00:33:48,741
It's your best friends
in the whole fucking world!

768
00:33:48,824 --> 00:33:49,950
You sure this is the right place?

769
00:33:50,034 --> 00:33:52,953
Lougle Search brought up
Adam's location and DNA.

770
00:33:53,037 --> 00:33:54,913
He's really got to fix his privacy settings.

771
00:33:54,997 --> 00:33:57,291
If he's here,
I'm gonna kill him before he kills me.

772
00:33:57,458 --> 00:33:58,959
Hi. Can I help you?

773
00:33:59,835 --> 00:34:03,255
Oh, my God.
Jacob Dorchen and Nick Webber?

774
00:34:03,464 --> 00:34:05,299
-( CHUCKLES )
- Guilty.

775
00:34:05,633 --> 00:34:07,843
Am I on <i>Celebrity Subpoena?</i>

776
00:34:07,926 --> 00:34:10,763
Just tell me. Tell me,
am I on <i>Celebrity Subpoena?</i>

777
00:34:11,263 --> 00:34:13,349
And hello, sir. Who are you?

778
00:34:13,515 --> 00:34:15,100
- Fuck it, wrong house.
- Stop.

779
00:34:15,184 --> 00:34:16,727
Does Adam Yates live here?

780
00:34:17,269 --> 00:34:19,188
I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

781
00:34:20,606 --> 00:34:24,276
Okay, so you're married to my aunt,
which makes you my uncle.

782
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,906
But that means that
you and I are first cousins.

783
00:34:29,573 --> 00:34:31,367
Oh, my God, you guys. This is aws.

784
00:34:31,450 --> 00:34:33,661
NICK: He looks like
a preppie Braveheart.

785
00:34:33,827 --> 00:34:36,538
I found this photo after my mother died.

786
00:34:39,541 --> 00:34:41,543
BOTH: Great White Buffalo.

787
00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:42,878
Great White Buffalo.

788
00:34:42,961 --> 00:34:45,714
- BOTH: Great White Buffalo.
- Great White Buffalo.

789
00:34:45,798 --> 00:34:47,549
Great White Buffalo. Yeah.

790
00:34:47,633 --> 00:34:48,967
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

791
00:34:49,051 --> 00:34:52,054
So this is him, right? This is my dad?

792
00:34:52,137 --> 00:34:53,138
So you never met him?

793
00:34:53,222 --> 00:34:54,932
No, they broke up
before I was even born.

794
00:34:55,015 --> 00:34:55,974
Oh.

795
00:34:56,058 --> 00:34:58,185
But you guys can introduce us.

796
00:34:58,352 --> 00:35:02,022
Yeah. See, the thing about that is,
it's complicated.

797
00:35:02,106 --> 00:35:04,149
Do you guys ever feel like

798
00:35:04,566 --> 00:35:06,402
everything happens for a reason?

799
00:35:06,568 --> 00:35:07,695
- BOTH: Yes.
- No.

800
00:35:07,986 --> 00:35:10,447
Call it destiny, or predestiny.

801
00:35:10,531 --> 00:35:12,074
I think it's "predestination."

802
00:35:12,157 --> 00:35:14,243
No, it's predestiny. I read a book.

803
00:35:14,326 --> 00:35:15,494
Uh, was that book a dictionary?

804
00:35:15,661 --> 00:35:17,413
No, it was a book called <i>Predestiny.</i>

805
00:35:17,538 --> 00:35:18,997
Okay, I don't really give a shit.

806
00:35:19,081 --> 00:35:21,333
With predestiny, it dictates

807
00:35:21,542 --> 00:35:24,211
that there is a force or something
holding the strings

808
00:35:24,294 --> 00:35:25,629
and setting everything up

809
00:35:25,713 --> 00:35:28,716
just so they can be
knocked down perfectly

810
00:35:29,133 --> 00:35:30,926
into...

811
00:35:36,056 --> 00:35:37,057
Place.

812
00:35:37,141 --> 00:35:39,393
I can't! I can't do it! I gotta go. Let's go.

813
00:35:39,643 --> 00:35:41,395
- JACOB: Sorry.
- Sorry, bro, we gotta go.

814
00:35:41,478 --> 00:35:42,479
Nice skirt, by the way.

815
00:35:42,563 --> 00:35:45,065
- Thank you.
- JILL: I have the dress.

816
00:35:45,149 --> 00:35:46,650
Wait, who said anything
about a dress?

817
00:35:46,734 --> 00:35:49,194
I certainly didn't say
anything about the dress.

818
00:35:49,319 --> 00:35:50,446
Oh.

819
00:35:50,529 --> 00:35:52,531
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
that Adam had guests.

820
00:35:52,614 --> 00:35:53,782
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.

821
00:35:53,866 --> 00:35:57,035
Guys, meet Jill. Jill, meet the guys.

822
00:35:57,119 --> 00:35:58,996
We're getting married this weekend.

823
00:35:59,079 --> 00:36:01,957
Uh, me and Jill, not me and you guys.

824
00:36:02,207 --> 00:36:04,376
Oh, stop it. You're gonna make milk
come out of my nose.

825
00:36:04,460 --> 00:36:06,336
- Milk? What milk?
- I had milk earlier.

826
00:36:06,420 --> 00:36:07,463
Oh.

827
00:36:08,797 --> 00:36:10,048
Are you Nick Webber?

828
00:36:10,132 --> 00:36:11,467
Yes. Yes, I am.

829
00:36:11,592 --> 00:36:14,011
Would you please do the Webber Strut?

830
00:36:14,178 --> 00:36:15,345
The Webber...

831
00:36:15,637 --> 00:36:17,890
Come on, you know it.
He wants us to do it.

832
00:36:17,973 --> 00:36:18,932
I think so.

833
00:36:19,016 --> 00:36:21,477
BOTH: Everybody,
strut, strut, strut, strut.

834
00:36:21,643 --> 00:36:23,520
- Stop that.
- Strut, strut, strut...

835
00:36:23,645 --> 00:36:26,106
Wow, they're really good at your dance.

836
00:36:26,315 --> 00:36:29,735
Your poor man's Macarena
that you are very famous for.

837
00:36:29,818 --> 00:36:30,819
<i>Everybody do the...</i>

838
00:36:30,944 --> 00:36:32,696
They're, like, picking dicks out of a tree.

839
00:36:32,780 --> 00:36:34,198
It looks like dick-picking.

840
00:36:34,281 --> 00:36:37,117
And for the record, I still like your music.

841
00:36:37,201 --> 00:36:39,244
I mean,
I know you've fallen on hard times.

842
00:36:39,369 --> 00:36:40,370
Hard times?

843
00:36:40,454 --> 00:36:42,331
You're so poor now,
but I really like you still.

844
00:36:42,414 --> 00:36:43,874
What do you mean, poor?

845
00:36:43,957 --> 00:36:45,751
- Oh, my God, that's the one.
- That's the one?

846
00:36:45,834 --> 00:36:46,960
- That is the one.
-( SIGHS )

847
00:36:47,044 --> 00:36:49,421
Honey, we found our mini-cake bites.

848
00:36:49,755 --> 00:36:50,839
- Phew!
- Guys!

849
00:36:50,923 --> 00:36:52,758
We found our mini-cake bites.

850
00:36:52,841 --> 00:36:53,801
What?

851
00:36:53,884 --> 00:36:54,927
Oh, I didn't tell you.

852
00:36:55,010 --> 00:36:56,929
- Jacob is my cousin.
- No.

853
00:36:57,012 --> 00:36:59,306
- ADAM: And Uncle Lou...
- Don't you ever call me that.

854
00:36:59,431 --> 00:37:01,350
-...is my uncle.
- What?

855
00:37:01,433 --> 00:37:04,520
And they came here in a, uh...
What was it?

856
00:37:04,812 --> 00:37:06,063
BOTH: Hot tub time machine.

857
00:37:06,271 --> 00:37:07,314
That's right.

858
00:37:07,397 --> 00:37:08,440
Oh, okay.

859
00:37:08,524 --> 00:37:11,318
So I guess you came here
in hot tub time machine, too.

860
00:37:14,279 --> 00:37:15,280
Listen.

861
00:37:17,616 --> 00:37:19,868
- They're looking for my dad.
- What?

862
00:37:20,035 --> 00:37:22,120
- You have to go with them.
- Uh...

863
00:37:22,204 --> 00:37:24,790
Would you guys mind?
It would be really, really great

864
00:37:24,873 --> 00:37:26,375
to have my father at the wedding.

865
00:37:26,458 --> 00:37:27,501
Fuck that. Fuck that.

866
00:37:27,584 --> 00:37:29,378
No way in hell. No way in hell.

867
00:37:29,461 --> 00:37:30,587
You gotta let Adam go.

868
00:37:30,671 --> 00:37:32,923
I mean, this is exactly
the sort of thing that he needs.

869
00:37:33,006 --> 00:37:35,843
We've been together for 10 years.
He hardly ever goes out.

870
00:37:35,926 --> 00:37:37,344
He didn't even have a bachelor party.

871
00:37:37,427 --> 00:37:38,887
Honey, you're making me
seem a little stiff.

872
00:37:38,971 --> 00:37:39,972
Right.

873
00:37:40,055 --> 00:37:43,100
All right. Well, you have fun
and make good choices.

874
00:37:43,225 --> 00:37:45,060
- You're my best choice.
- You're my best choice.

875
00:37:45,143 --> 00:37:47,479
- No, you're my best choice.
- You're my bestest choice.

876
00:37:47,563 --> 00:37:49,231
No, you're my best choice!

877
00:37:49,356 --> 00:37:50,649
BOTH: You're my best choice!

878
00:37:50,774 --> 00:37:53,318
You're. My. Best. Choice.

879
00:37:53,485 --> 00:37:55,237
- The fuck?
- Yeah, seriously.

880
00:37:55,612 --> 00:37:57,239
Guys, I'll be there in one second.

881
00:37:57,364 --> 00:38:00,158
BOTH: You're. My. Best. Choice.

882
00:38:00,659 --> 00:38:03,912
Uh, so you guys
are my dad's full-on bros, huh?

883
00:38:04,121 --> 00:38:05,539
I always wondered
what my dad's full-on bros

884
00:38:05,622 --> 00:38:08,500
would be like and now...
Now I totally know.

885
00:38:08,584 --> 00:38:11,086
'Cause we're getting
some serious hang-time.

886
00:38:11,420 --> 00:38:12,421
Hey.

887
00:38:13,213 --> 00:38:16,633
You know what, I feel like we are
going to have an unforgettably...

888
00:38:16,717 --> 00:38:18,594
Dude, where the fuck are we going?

889
00:38:18,677 --> 00:38:20,095
Oh. Well, my mom used
to live near here,

890
00:38:20,178 --> 00:38:23,432
so I figured we'd go by her old building
and see if we can find a clue.

891
00:38:23,599 --> 00:38:26,727
Okay! Well, there's a 50-50 chance
I might murder your dad,

892
00:38:26,810 --> 00:38:28,186
so if you have a reunion speech,

893
00:38:28,270 --> 00:38:29,313
-keep it tight.
- NICK: Whoa!

894
00:38:29,396 --> 00:38:31,189
-( BRAKES SCREECH )
- Holy shit!

895
00:38:31,607 --> 00:38:32,941
Wassup, man?

896
00:38:33,108 --> 00:38:34,860
No, no, no, no, no.

897
00:38:35,736 --> 00:38:37,404
There's no one driving that car.

898
00:38:42,326 --> 00:38:43,619
Yeah, it's a smart car.

899
00:38:43,702 --> 00:38:46,288
- Yeah, I can see that.
- No, it's a smart car.

900
00:38:46,413 --> 00:38:48,540
- It's self-driving.
- What?

901
00:38:48,749 --> 00:38:49,708
That's awesome!

902
00:38:49,791 --> 00:38:51,585
Now, see, this is
that future shit I'm talking about.

903
00:38:51,668 --> 00:38:52,920
How much that set you back?

904
00:38:53,170 --> 00:38:55,047
You guys are hilarious.

905
00:38:55,172 --> 00:38:57,507
I don't own it. I mean, no one does.

906
00:38:57,591 --> 00:38:58,926
You need a car, one shows up.

907
00:38:59,009 --> 00:39:00,052
Really?

908
00:39:00,135 --> 00:39:02,054
You're a wonderful car
and I appreciate you.

909
00:39:02,137 --> 00:39:03,180
( CAR BEEPS )

910
00:39:03,430 --> 00:39:04,431
Come on.

911
00:39:04,765 --> 00:39:07,434
( STAMMERS )
So, this car runs on feelings.

912
00:39:07,517 --> 00:39:09,561
Yeah, I guess a six-year-old
would say that.

913
00:39:10,228 --> 00:39:11,396
- Oh?
- NICK: Burn.

914
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,398
Really? Would a six-year-old say that?

915
00:39:13,482 --> 00:39:14,650
( CAR REVS )

916
00:39:15,525 --> 00:39:17,819
- What the fuck was that?
- Revved up on you.

917
00:39:17,903 --> 00:39:19,821
- Did he just rev up on me?
- He sure did.

918
00:39:20,030 --> 00:39:22,616
Hey! What's up?
You got a problem with me?

919
00:39:22,741 --> 00:39:25,285
You know what? I'll give you
the first punch, huh?

920
00:39:25,369 --> 00:39:26,495
Go ahead.

921
00:39:26,578 --> 00:39:28,830
Go ahead! Hit me!

922
00:39:29,164 --> 00:39:30,207
Come on!

923
00:39:30,332 --> 00:39:31,541
You're not a good car!

924
00:39:31,625 --> 00:39:35,545
You're not smart!
You're just a car!

925
00:39:36,838 --> 00:39:38,799
Okay. I don't think
it actually works that way.

926
00:39:38,882 --> 00:39:40,425
Like, you can't hurt its feelings.

927
00:39:40,509 --> 00:39:41,969
You're a wonderful car
and I appreciate you.

928
00:39:42,052 --> 00:39:43,637
-( BEEPS )
- Yeah, well, guess what?

929
00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:45,973
You can hurt my feelings, okay?

930
00:39:46,181 --> 00:39:47,808
- What?
- I'm walking.

931
00:39:47,975 --> 00:39:49,309
( CAR REVS )

932
00:39:49,893 --> 00:39:52,104
- Is he always like this?
- Pretty much.

933
00:39:52,229 --> 00:39:54,189
Does he have, like,
emotional problems?

934
00:39:54,272 --> 00:39:55,524
He's got a real serious drug problem.

935
00:39:55,607 --> 00:39:56,817
He got shot last night.

936
00:39:56,900 --> 00:39:58,902
- He's got that runt ball.
- His son hates him.

937
00:39:58,986 --> 00:40:00,320
That's fair to say, right?

938
00:40:00,404 --> 00:40:02,447
Yeah, yeah. He's a monster.

939
00:40:02,906 --> 00:40:04,574
I'd like to help him.

940
00:40:04,700 --> 00:40:06,201
( BOTH LAUGHING )

941
00:40:12,416 --> 00:40:15,377
Oh, hey, I'm sure you're sick of this,

942
00:40:15,836 --> 00:40:18,130
-but will you sign my Dick Pad?
-( WOMAN MOANING )

943
00:40:18,588 --> 00:40:20,716
JACOB: Oh, you put your dick in there!

944
00:40:20,799 --> 00:40:22,050
ADAM: It's a genius invention.

945
00:40:22,175 --> 00:40:23,969
I know, okay? I know.

946
00:40:24,136 --> 00:40:26,930
You put your whole mouth
inside your son's jerk-off machine.

947
00:40:27,014 --> 00:40:29,433
What does your son's penis taste like?

948
00:40:29,891 --> 00:40:31,059
Goddamn you.

949
00:40:31,143 --> 00:40:32,310
Was it delicious?

950
00:40:32,602 --> 00:40:35,230
Oh, hey, a friend of mine's some
sort a big shot over at Lougle.

951
00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:37,065
Brad Syed? He's coming to my wedding.

952
00:40:37,482 --> 00:40:38,483
- Brad?
- Hey.

953
00:40:38,942 --> 00:40:41,945
You guys should absolutely
come to my wedding.

954
00:40:42,154 --> 00:40:43,155
No.

955
00:40:43,238 --> 00:40:46,033
JACOB: Oh, man, I wish we could,
but we're doing, uh...

956
00:40:46,116 --> 00:40:47,909
Motherfucker!

957
00:40:48,410 --> 00:40:50,537
Gary Winkle.

958
00:40:51,580 --> 00:40:53,165
( ALL GASP )

959
00:40:53,248 --> 00:40:54,583
( FIRES )

960
00:41:01,173 --> 00:41:03,216
Fuck him in the face.
Right in the fucking face.

961
00:41:03,300 --> 00:41:05,010
It's not about money,
it's about making money.

962
00:41:05,302 --> 00:41:06,553
- Oh! Look who it...
-( GRUNTS )

963
00:41:06,636 --> 00:41:08,847
- Ahh!
- How are you rich, huh?

964
00:41:09,056 --> 00:41:11,099
How the fuck are you rich?

965
00:41:11,224 --> 00:41:12,809
- Oh, Lou...
- You killed me!

966
00:41:12,893 --> 00:41:14,895
I'm going to kill you
before you can kill me again!

967
00:41:15,062 --> 00:41:16,688
Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa...

968
00:41:16,772 --> 00:41:21,109
That's hilarious.
Why would I kill you? I love you, man.

969
00:41:21,610 --> 00:41:22,611
What?

970
00:41:22,694 --> 00:41:25,489
Okay, okay, okay. All right. I'm fine.

971
00:41:25,697 --> 00:41:26,823
You not buying that land

972
00:41:26,907 --> 00:41:28,950
was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

973
00:41:29,159 --> 00:41:30,494
Because when Hurricane Beth
came through

974
00:41:30,577 --> 00:41:32,788
and destroyed half the waterfront...
( EXHALES )

975
00:41:32,871 --> 00:41:36,416
It turned this worthless piece of dirt
into a goldmine.

976
00:41:36,625 --> 00:41:37,626
What?

977
00:41:37,709 --> 00:41:39,211
So you didn't murder me?

978
00:41:39,294 --> 00:41:42,714
What are you talking about?
I love you, man. ( CHUCKLES )

979
00:41:44,341 --> 00:41:45,884
So, are you boys coming up or what?

980
00:41:45,967 --> 00:41:48,512
It's not a party unless
it's a Gary Winkle party.

981
00:41:48,637 --> 00:41:50,222
At Gary Winkle's.

982
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:51,973
The Wink.

983
00:41:52,182 --> 00:41:54,392
- What are you doing?
- It's a double wink.

984
00:41:54,601 --> 00:41:55,644
Ah, technically, that's more of a blink.

985
00:41:55,727 --> 00:41:57,479
- That's a blink.
- You can't wink, can you?

986
00:41:57,604 --> 00:41:59,022
( SCOFFS ) Of course I can wink.

987
00:41:59,147 --> 00:42:00,148
Prove it.

988
00:42:02,109 --> 00:42:03,110
Yeah.

989
00:42:03,568 --> 00:42:05,278
Let me do this. Hold on.

990
00:42:05,362 --> 00:42:07,489
Let me hold this open.
I'll hold this open.

991
00:42:07,906 --> 00:42:09,074
Now do it.

992
00:42:09,991 --> 00:42:10,951
BOTH: See?

993
00:42:11,034 --> 00:42:12,119
Can we go to the fuckin' party now?

994
00:42:12,452 --> 00:42:14,121
( DANCE MUSIC PLAYING )

995
00:42:23,046 --> 00:42:24,506
Welcome to The Wink!

996
00:42:25,757 --> 00:42:27,884
Hey, jugglers, give my boys
anything they want...

997
00:42:28,635 --> 00:42:30,053
From that shelf down.

998
00:42:30,178 --> 00:42:32,597
- Lou, what are we doing here?
- You know.

999
00:42:32,681 --> 00:42:34,432
Winkle is not the killer. We gotta go.

1000
00:42:34,516 --> 00:42:35,892
I don't care,
'cause there's cocaine right there.

1001
00:42:35,976 --> 00:42:37,227
Didn't you see the cocaine?
Look, look, look.

1002
00:42:37,310 --> 00:42:38,603
I see the cocaine. So what?

1003
00:42:38,687 --> 00:42:40,438
Well, I'm going to do that.
So, first... And then...

1004
00:42:40,522 --> 00:42:43,733
Look, I'm not flickering. Am I flickering?
You cannot say that I'm flickering.

1005
00:42:43,817 --> 00:42:45,110
We're on a mission to save your life.

1006
00:42:45,193 --> 00:42:46,945
You think I don't want
to roll my dick around some cocaine,

1007
00:42:47,028 --> 00:42:48,155
-and get titty-slapped?
- Okay.

1008
00:42:48,238 --> 00:42:50,490
Pop some bottles?
Do some crazy future shit?

1009
00:42:50,574 --> 00:42:51,741
I'm trying to keep you from flickering.

1010
00:42:51,825 --> 00:42:52,993
- What the fuck are you doing?
- LOU: Good talk.

1011
00:42:53,076 --> 00:42:55,704
Thank you. And popping bottles,
that's old school.

1012
00:42:55,787 --> 00:42:56,955
You bringing that back?

1013
00:42:57,038 --> 00:42:58,206
- Yeah.
-( CHUCKLES )

1014
00:42:58,290 --> 00:42:59,791
I like that. I like you.

1015
00:43:00,208 --> 00:43:01,251
( SIGHS )

1016
00:43:01,376 --> 00:43:02,377
Uh-oh.

1017
00:43:02,460 --> 00:43:03,837
What are these?
I don't care.

1018
00:43:04,546 --> 00:43:07,591
Oh. So, Nick, listen, I was so sorry
to hear about you and Courtney.

1019
00:43:07,966 --> 00:43:10,177
- What do you mean?
- Ah.

1020
00:43:10,385 --> 00:43:12,554
Gotcha. Forget I even brought it up.

1021
00:43:12,721 --> 00:43:14,264
No, no, no, really, what do you mean?

1022
00:43:14,389 --> 00:43:16,266
I hear you loud and clear, man.

1023
00:43:16,975 --> 00:43:18,643
I don't think you hear me at all.

1024
00:43:18,727 --> 00:43:20,061
Hey, Sophie!

1025
00:43:20,145 --> 00:43:21,730
There you are.

1026
00:43:25,692 --> 00:43:27,235
I have a surprise for you.

1027
00:43:27,402 --> 00:43:28,570
Oh. Uh...

1028
00:43:28,820 --> 00:43:31,072
Sophie has a surprise for me.

1029
00:43:31,573 --> 00:43:32,699
Bye, dude!

1030
00:43:34,492 --> 00:43:36,995
I'll take a room-temperature
almond milk, please.

1031
00:43:37,078 --> 00:43:40,040
No, actually,
I'll get a tangerine margarita.

1032
00:43:40,290 --> 00:43:41,583
No. Scratch that.

1033
00:43:41,666 --> 00:43:45,629
I'll take just an apricot sliced into fours.
And a kiwi.

1034
00:43:45,712 --> 00:43:48,423
Do you have kiwi?
I'll take a kiwi, sliced up.

1035
00:43:48,506 --> 00:43:50,091
A banana thrown in there.

1036
00:43:50,175 --> 00:43:51,801
You know what? Dealer's choice.

1037
00:43:51,885 --> 00:43:53,136
Just a fruit salad.

1038
00:43:57,349 --> 00:43:58,934
Should we go somewhere more private?

1039
00:43:59,017 --> 00:44:00,352
( LAUGHS )

1040
00:44:00,435 --> 00:44:02,520
Jacob Dorchen wants privacy.

1041
00:44:02,729 --> 00:44:04,105
That's so 2018.

1042
00:44:04,189 --> 00:44:05,190
Right, right.

1043
00:44:05,690 --> 00:44:07,484
No. Get that out of here.

1044
00:44:08,109 --> 00:44:10,528
I mean,
I wouldn't mind a little something.

1045
00:44:10,612 --> 00:44:12,447
Remember, we agreed?

1046
00:44:13,615 --> 00:44:14,866
Look at your dad.

1047
00:44:14,950 --> 00:44:17,410
You're not going down
that road anymore.

1048
00:44:20,830 --> 00:44:23,166
Oh, God, I'm so good at that!

1049
00:44:23,458 --> 00:44:24,668
( GRUNTS )
Yes!

1050
00:44:24,751 --> 00:44:26,795
( VOCALIZING ) It's Satan.

1051
00:44:26,878 --> 00:44:28,338
Like, I'll finger your dog, I don't care.

1052
00:44:28,421 --> 00:44:30,048
As a joke! As a joke!

1053
00:44:30,257 --> 00:44:31,424
I have some advice for you.

1054
00:44:31,508 --> 00:44:33,802
If you don't want to be
considered a sex offender,

1055
00:44:33,885 --> 00:44:36,221
don't take a shit in a sandbox

1056
00:44:36,304 --> 00:44:38,139
that happens to be in a playground.

1057
00:44:38,223 --> 00:44:40,392
Okay? Don't do it. 'Cause guess what?

1058
00:44:40,475 --> 00:44:43,311
You have two things, a record
and a fucking nickname.

1059
00:44:43,478 --> 00:44:46,523
I know it's a potentially risky move...
Wedding sorbet!

1060
00:44:46,606 --> 00:44:48,316
- Mmm.
- As a palate cleanser, of course.

1061
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,442
I mean, I'm not insane.

1062
00:44:49,859 --> 00:44:51,945
Oh, my God! Fuckin' A!
You're Nick Webber, man!

1063
00:44:52,028 --> 00:44:54,406
Let's take a picture!
I can't believe it's you, man.

1064
00:44:54,489 --> 00:44:55,490
I'm gonna send this to everyone.

1065
00:44:55,573 --> 00:44:57,575
- I'm gonna get, like, a billion views!
- NICK: Okay.

1066
00:44:57,659 --> 00:45:00,161
I remember when
I first heard that stupid song. I was like,

1067
00:45:00,245 --> 00:45:02,664
"Man, that song is so dumb."

1068
00:45:03,290 --> 00:45:04,416
Do the Strut.

1069
00:45:04,541 --> 00:45:05,750
- Do the Strut.
- No, I'm good.

1070
00:45:05,834 --> 00:45:06,960
You won't do the fucking song?

1071
00:45:07,127 --> 00:45:09,004
- You want to see the Strut?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

1072
00:45:09,087 --> 00:45:11,339
DJ: ( LAUGHS ) Hey, yo! Check this out!

1073
00:45:11,423 --> 00:45:13,925
Nick Webber's in the house,
so get ready for the original

1074
00:45:14,009 --> 00:45:16,136
- Webber Strut!
-( ALL CHEERING )

1075
00:45:19,931 --> 00:45:21,683
Before that, let's back it up.

1076
00:45:21,766 --> 00:45:24,102
Six years ago, see where it all began.

1077
00:45:24,644 --> 00:45:27,522
<i>I made a lot of mistakes.
I've taken advantage.</i>

1078
00:45:27,814 --> 00:45:30,275
<i>And now I'm ready to be original.</i>

1079
00:45:30,525 --> 00:45:33,069
<i>This is dedicated to
those who never got to be,</i>

1080
00:45:33,153 --> 00:45:34,487
<i>because of me.</i>

1081
00:45:36,823 --> 00:45:39,117
<i>Strut to the time of the clock</i>

1082
00:45:39,367 --> 00:45:42,746
<i>It's midnight
Everybody strut right now</i>

1083
00:45:43,038 --> 00:45:44,789
<i>Nick Webber
Nick Webber</i>

1084
00:45:44,873 --> 00:45:46,666
<i>You don't know
but you think you know</i>

1085
00:45:46,833 --> 00:45:48,835
<i>Nick Webber
Nick Webber</i>

1086
00:45:49,210 --> 00:45:50,462
<i>You don't know, but you will</i>

1087
00:45:50,587 --> 00:45:52,339
<i>Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut</i>

1088
00:45:52,505 --> 00:45:54,549
<i>Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut</i>

1089
00:45:54,799 --> 00:45:56,801
<i>Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut</i>

1090
00:45:56,885 --> 00:45:58,887
<i>Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut</i>

1091
00:45:59,012 --> 00:46:00,221
<i>Everybody do the</i>

1092
00:46:00,305 --> 00:46:01,723
( CROWD LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING )

1093
00:46:06,186 --> 00:46:09,022
( GASPS ) Oh.

1094
00:46:09,898 --> 00:46:13,526
Oh, this room is so much better
than the other room.

1095
00:46:17,030 --> 00:46:18,031
What?

1096
00:46:21,701 --> 00:46:22,702
No!

1097
00:46:23,536 --> 00:46:25,872
Look at him go. Chip off the old block.

1098
00:46:26,039 --> 00:46:27,457
( LAUGHS )

1099
00:46:27,540 --> 00:46:28,666
Okay, be nice.

1100
00:46:28,750 --> 00:46:32,295
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

1101
00:46:32,379 --> 00:46:34,381
Hmm. Son!

1102
00:46:34,839 --> 00:46:37,926
Hey! What a coincidence!

1103
00:46:38,218 --> 00:46:41,221
Wondering where you ran off to,
but here you are.

1104
00:46:41,471 --> 00:46:42,555
Who let you in here?

1105
00:46:42,639 --> 00:46:44,099
Would you go find your murderer?

1106
00:46:44,182 --> 00:46:48,061
Think your old man can get in
on a little of this action? Or...

1107
00:46:48,144 --> 00:46:49,729
This is... This is a private party.

1108
00:46:49,854 --> 00:46:51,147
This one's mine.

1109
00:46:51,815 --> 00:46:53,316
What? Yes! See?

1110
00:46:53,483 --> 00:46:54,484
Ha! Still got it!

1111
00:46:54,901 --> 00:46:56,861
What are the, uh, house rules here?

1112
00:46:56,945 --> 00:46:57,987
I just want to know what to do.

1113
00:46:58,071 --> 00:47:01,825
I don't want to break any rules,
get chucked out right away, you know?

1114
00:47:01,908 --> 00:47:04,160
- That'd be fucked up.
- Touch me, you filthy vagrant.

1115
00:47:05,286 --> 00:47:06,704
( EXHALES DEEPLY )

1116
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:10,667
JACOB: ( LAUGHS )
Oh! Wait, what was that?

1117
00:47:10,750 --> 00:47:12,419
Nothing. It wasn't anything.

1118
00:47:12,502 --> 00:47:13,503
You just flickered.

1119
00:47:13,586 --> 00:47:14,921
No, I'd flickered? No, I didn't.

1120
00:47:15,004 --> 00:47:16,005
How did you do that?

1121
00:47:16,089 --> 00:47:17,507
He's threatening his own existence.

1122
00:47:17,590 --> 00:47:20,802
Lou, you can't be here,
'cause you're jeopardizing your future.

1123
00:47:20,885 --> 00:47:22,679
Would you mind
your own fucking beeswax?

1124
00:47:22,762 --> 00:47:24,347
Whatever. I'm over this.

1125
00:47:24,431 --> 00:47:26,850
No! No!

1126
00:47:26,933 --> 00:47:28,935
No, no!

1127
00:47:29,102 --> 00:47:30,520
( GROANS )

1128
00:47:31,271 --> 00:47:34,858
Long story short, the caterer
did talk us into the Chateaubriand,

1129
00:47:34,941 --> 00:47:37,360
which, you know,
I'll admit, is a sexy side of beef.

1130
00:47:37,444 --> 00:47:38,403
Sounds like it.

1131
00:47:38,486 --> 00:47:40,196
And I think you know
where I'm going with this.

1132
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:41,239
You thought wrong.

1133
00:47:41,322 --> 00:47:44,200
Horseradish station. That's right. We're
gonna have the white and the reds,

1134
00:47:44,284 --> 00:47:46,661
separate service, different intensity.

1135
00:47:46,744 --> 00:47:48,288
It's gonna be great...

1136
00:47:48,538 --> 00:47:49,789
Wait a second. Nick?

1137
00:47:50,123 --> 00:47:52,375
- You should play our wedding.
-( SCOFFS )

1138
00:47:52,459 --> 00:47:54,794
People would love to see the Strut
in person.

1139
00:47:54,878 --> 00:47:56,087
I'm sure they would.

1140
00:47:56,171 --> 00:47:58,006
Hey, what do you guys
want from the party tray?

1141
00:47:58,089 --> 00:47:59,215
Me? Oh, uh...

1142
00:47:59,299 --> 00:48:01,634
I don't know.
I'm getting married tomorrow,

1143
00:48:01,718 --> 00:48:03,470
so I'm really trying to take it easy.

1144
00:48:03,595 --> 00:48:05,054
Yeah, you're getting married
for the rest of your life,

1145
00:48:05,138 --> 00:48:07,682
so why have any fun tonight at all?

1146
00:48:09,142 --> 00:48:10,518
- Oh!
- Yeah.

1147
00:48:10,602 --> 00:48:12,187
- Uncle Lou is right.
- Don't call me that.

1148
00:48:12,270 --> 00:48:14,063
Give me the craziest thing you got.

1149
00:48:14,147 --> 00:48:16,900
Someone sounds like he wants
the Electric Ladybug.

1150
00:48:16,983 --> 00:48:18,026
Ooh, the Electric...

1151
00:48:18,109 --> 00:48:19,235
- Oh.
- GARY: Stick it right there.

1152
00:48:19,319 --> 00:48:21,321
What... I'm sorry, what exactly is that?

1153
00:48:21,404 --> 00:48:22,405
( WOMAN SHUSHES )

1154
00:48:22,489 --> 00:48:24,282
Don't take it off for 24 hours.

1155
00:48:24,365 --> 00:48:26,910
Why can't I take it off for 24 hours?

1156
00:48:27,285 --> 00:48:29,162
( BOTH LAUGHING )

1157
00:48:29,329 --> 00:48:30,663
( LAUGHS NERVOUSLY )

1158
00:48:30,747 --> 00:48:32,499
Yeah. What's so funny?

1159
00:48:32,582 --> 00:48:34,876
Relax. Relax. It's just like baby aspirin.

1160
00:48:35,001 --> 00:48:38,254
Except more of a super-high
intensity psychotropic drug trip.

1161
00:48:39,088 --> 00:48:41,007
( CHUCKLING )

1162
00:48:43,134 --> 00:48:44,552
( BELL TOLLING )

1163
00:48:44,636 --> 00:48:46,095
I promise you,

1164
00:48:47,514 --> 00:48:49,057
you're not gonna like this.

1165
00:48:52,685 --> 00:48:53,686
( IN DISTORTED VOICE ) Bye-bye.

1166
00:48:54,687 --> 00:48:56,022
( TOLLING CONTINUES )

1167
00:48:57,023 --> 00:48:58,358
Horseradish.

1168
00:48:58,525 --> 00:49:00,443
( CLUB MUSIC PLAYING )

1169
00:49:09,077 --> 00:49:10,370
( LAUGHS )

1170
00:49:12,705 --> 00:49:14,666
( INSTRUMENTAL
PIANO MUSIC PLAYING )

1171
00:49:15,250 --> 00:49:16,960
-( PHONE BEEPING )
- Hello.

1172
00:49:17,043 --> 00:49:18,795
<i>I'm a god!</i>

1173
00:49:18,878 --> 00:49:21,089
<i>I'm a fucking god!</i>

1174
00:49:21,589 --> 00:49:22,757
<i>Whoo!</i>

1175
00:49:43,361 --> 00:49:44,737
Oh!

1176
00:49:48,074 --> 00:49:49,409
( LAUGHING )

1177
00:49:51,619 --> 00:49:53,246
( SCREAMING )

1178
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,481
Shit.

1179
00:50:21,107 --> 00:50:24,235
Not in the dumpster. I owe you 50 bucks.

1180
00:50:24,485 --> 00:50:26,154
ADAM: Hey, lick my pussy.

1181
00:50:28,364 --> 00:50:30,783
Just kidding, guys.
I'm up here. What's up?

1182
00:50:30,950 --> 00:50:32,035
JACOB: What are you doing up there?

1183
00:50:32,118 --> 00:50:34,454
Why are you down there, stupid fuck?

1184
00:50:34,662 --> 00:50:36,456
You guys, last night,

1185
00:50:36,748 --> 00:50:38,124
my eyes

1186
00:50:39,292 --> 00:50:41,044
-opened.
- Okay.

1187
00:50:41,336 --> 00:50:43,212
I'm telling you, you guys,
you got to get up here.

1188
00:50:43,630 --> 00:50:45,965
I mean, the way the sun
is just dancing off these leaves...

1189
00:50:46,090 --> 00:50:47,091
Mr. Webber.

1190
00:50:47,175 --> 00:50:48,718
Hi. I'm from <i>Choozy Doozy.</i>

1191
00:50:48,801 --> 00:50:50,053
I'm here to take you to the show.

1192
00:50:50,261 --> 00:50:51,262
Show?

1193
00:50:51,471 --> 00:50:52,513
-( CHUCKLES )
- Yeah.

1194
00:50:52,597 --> 00:50:53,765
NICK: How about that?

1195
00:50:53,973 --> 00:50:57,977
Nick Webber has a show in 2025.
Still got it!

1196
00:50:58,269 --> 00:51:01,147
Right, but, I mean, we can't go
because we have to solve his murder.

1197
00:51:01,272 --> 00:51:03,816
Come on! Look. Hey, not flickering.

1198
00:51:03,900 --> 00:51:05,652
Maybe it's a lead. It's a fun lead.

1199
00:51:05,735 --> 00:51:07,528
JACOB: Until somebody goes back
in time and kills you.

1200
00:51:07,820 --> 00:51:08,863
I can't miss my gig.

1201
00:51:08,946 --> 00:51:12,158
Okay, <i>Choozy Doozy</i>
is my favorite show.

1202
00:51:12,241 --> 00:51:13,409
Wait, how did you find us?

1203
00:51:13,493 --> 00:51:14,827
I just go where the cars take me.

1204
00:51:15,161 --> 00:51:16,329
ADAM: Okay, I'm coming down.

1205
00:51:16,412 --> 00:51:18,373
Do you think I can make
that dumpster, guys?

1206
00:51:18,456 --> 00:51:19,832
- No.
- No.

1207
00:51:19,916 --> 00:51:21,125
Yeah, I think I can probably make it.

1208
00:51:21,209 --> 00:51:22,919
Yes, yes, yes, yes! Come on!

1209
00:51:23,002 --> 00:51:24,253
Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.

1210
00:51:24,337 --> 00:51:25,380
- Adam, stay right there.
- Stop. Adam!

1211
00:51:25,463 --> 00:51:26,839
- Come on!
- NICK: Baby Adam

1212
00:51:26,923 --> 00:51:27,924
( SHUSHES ) You can!

1213
00:51:28,007 --> 00:51:29,133
Stop, Lou!

1214
00:51:29,217 --> 00:51:30,510
Here I go. I'm gonna jump.

1215
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:31,761
( ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY )

1216
00:51:32,053 --> 00:51:33,096
Whoo!

1217
00:51:33,179 --> 00:51:34,180
LOU: Holy fuck...

1218
00:51:34,597 --> 00:51:35,723
Got you!

1219
00:51:37,392 --> 00:51:38,643
JACOB: That was fucking awesome!

1220
00:51:38,726 --> 00:51:40,853
- Oh, my God!
- How did you even do that?

1221
00:51:41,354 --> 00:51:42,522
I'm strong as fuck.

1222
00:51:44,607 --> 00:51:45,775
MALE ANNOUNCER:
<i>Get ready for mischief, mayhem,</i>

1223
00:51:45,858 --> 00:51:47,777
<i>plenty of truths and more than one dare!</i>

1224
00:51:47,860 --> 00:51:51,781
<i>This is</i> Celebrity Choozy Doozy!

1225
00:51:51,864 --> 00:51:52,865
<i>Now, please welcome back</i>

1226
00:51:52,949 --> 00:51:55,451
<i>the host of the show, Britt McShasaucey!</i>

1227
00:51:55,535 --> 00:51:56,786
( AUDIENCE CHEERING )

1228
00:52:00,915 --> 00:52:02,834
Thank you very much for that, Gill!

1229
00:52:03,376 --> 00:52:06,754
Welcome to our show!
We got a very, very exciting

1230
00:52:06,921 --> 00:52:08,506
show planned for you tonight.

1231
00:52:08,715 --> 00:52:12,927
Please help me welcome back
to the stage, musical sensation,

1232
00:52:13,219 --> 00:52:15,596
- Nick Webber!
-( AUDIENCE CHEERING )

1233
00:52:21,686 --> 00:52:22,979
( PHONE BEEPING )

1234
00:52:23,062 --> 00:52:24,147
<i>Hello?</i>

1235
00:52:24,230 --> 00:52:28,067
( SOFTLY ) Hey, honey,
guess where I am. Just guess.

1236
00:52:28,693 --> 00:52:30,737
Okay, shut up. I'm at <i>Choozy Doozy.</i>

1237
00:52:30,820 --> 00:52:32,113
<i>Where have you been?</i>

1238
00:52:32,196 --> 00:52:33,990
I tried to call you, like, a hundred times.

1239
00:52:34,073 --> 00:52:36,659
What was with that crazy phone call
last night?

1240
00:52:36,743 --> 00:52:38,578
<i>Crazy call? What do you mean?</i>

1241
00:52:38,661 --> 00:52:42,081
You don't remember calling me
and telling me that you were a god?

1242
00:52:42,582 --> 00:52:44,667
No. Does that sound like me?

1243
00:52:45,084 --> 00:52:47,754
Listen, I had the most amazing night.

1244
00:52:47,837 --> 00:52:49,630
I did everything.

1245
00:52:49,714 --> 00:52:52,425
( STUTTERS )
I punched a man in the face.

1246
00:52:52,508 --> 00:52:54,051
Just walked up to him.
( CLICKS TONGUE )

1247
00:52:54,135 --> 00:52:56,220
Just punched him with my fist.

1248
00:52:56,304 --> 00:52:59,682
<i>I felt like an ape. Like an ape.</i>

1249
00:53:00,099 --> 00:53:03,186
I did Eskimo kisses
with this beautiful woman.

1250
00:53:03,269 --> 00:53:04,687
What are you talking about?

1251
00:53:04,771 --> 00:53:06,063
<i>Honey, have you ever felt</i>

1252
00:53:06,147 --> 00:53:11,235
that everything that you've experienced
and said up to this point is just a fraud?

1253
00:53:11,319 --> 00:53:12,695
Excuse me?

1254
00:53:12,779 --> 00:53:14,614
No. Okay, "fraud" is too strong a word.

1255
00:53:14,697 --> 00:53:17,950
It's more like a lie.

1256
00:53:19,243 --> 00:53:21,829
"Lie" is actually... It's not right, either.

1257
00:53:21,913 --> 00:53:23,706
It's kind of a hard concept to...

1258
00:53:24,624 --> 00:53:26,125
Okay, bye, honey.

1259
00:53:27,543 --> 00:53:29,796
All right, that went well.
That went really well.

1260
00:53:30,129 --> 00:53:33,090
Our studio audience
will have the opportunity

1261
00:53:33,174 --> 00:53:36,427
to challenge you to specific tasks.

1262
00:53:36,511 --> 00:53:39,430
The best idea shall prevail.

1263
00:53:39,514 --> 00:53:41,474
Because this is...

1264
00:53:41,557 --> 00:53:44,769
ALL: <i>Celebrity Choozy Doozy!</i>

1265
00:53:45,311 --> 00:53:46,646
What is that, exactly?

1266
00:53:46,729 --> 00:53:48,231
Let me hear some ideas
from the audience.

1267
00:53:48,314 --> 00:53:51,150
- Come on! We want some new ideas!
- WOMAN: Eat a bunch of waffles!

1268
00:53:51,234 --> 00:53:53,236
Eat a bunch of waffles.
Very, very nice choice.

1269
00:53:53,319 --> 00:53:54,320
MAN 1: Juggle knives!

1270
00:53:54,654 --> 00:53:55,988
Ooh! Very scary!

1271
00:53:56,072 --> 00:53:57,824
He could lose an arm!
That happened last week.

1272
00:53:57,990 --> 00:53:59,283
MAN 2: Swallow a watch!

1273
00:54:00,076 --> 00:54:01,452
Can you swallow a watch, Nick?

1274
00:54:01,786 --> 00:54:02,787
I hope not.

1275
00:54:03,162 --> 00:54:04,747
Fuck a dude!

1276
00:54:04,831 --> 00:54:05,915
- Whoa!
-( AUDIENCE CHEERING )

1277
00:54:05,998 --> 00:54:07,041
Okay!

1278
00:54:08,626 --> 00:54:11,838
Say some more stuff!
Say something else!

1279
00:54:12,338 --> 00:54:13,422
BRITT: Now, remember, folks,

1280
00:54:13,506 --> 00:54:16,342
when you see something you like,
you make your selection,

1281
00:54:16,551 --> 00:54:18,845
-and it'll show up here on the board.
-( DEVICE BEEPING )

1282
00:54:19,303 --> 00:54:20,972
Uh, I don't want to fuck a dude.

1283
00:54:21,055 --> 00:54:22,181
Ah, you're adorable.

1284
00:54:25,059 --> 00:54:26,519
This is the best day of my life.

1285
00:54:26,602 --> 00:54:28,229
What the fuck's wrong with everybody?

1286
00:54:28,771 --> 00:54:32,441
Waffles, waffles.
It's a neck-and-neck with...

1287
00:54:33,568 --> 00:54:35,486
Oh! Oh, well...

1288
00:54:35,611 --> 00:54:38,406
( EXCLAIMS ) Look at that.

1289
00:54:38,489 --> 00:54:39,657
Oh, hell, no!

1290
00:54:39,740 --> 00:54:41,242
BRITT: You just got very lucky,
my friend,

1291
00:54:41,325 --> 00:54:42,827
because you were almost

1292
00:54:42,910 --> 00:54:45,121
about to have to eat
a whole bunch of waffles!

1293
00:54:45,204 --> 00:54:47,373
I'm willing to do that. I'm willing...
I'll eat the waffles.

1294
00:54:47,456 --> 00:54:48,541
Okay, now...

1295
00:54:49,166 --> 00:54:53,212
Who had the idea of this man
fornicating with a gentleman?

1296
00:54:53,296 --> 00:54:55,214
Over here! This guy!

1297
00:54:55,673 --> 00:54:56,757
What's your name, sir?

1298
00:54:57,216 --> 00:54:58,259
Lou Dorchen.

1299
00:54:58,342 --> 00:55:01,220
Well, Lou, as you know,
with <i>Choozy Doozy...</i>

1300
00:55:01,304 --> 00:55:04,473
ALL: You choose it, you dooze it!

1301
00:55:04,557 --> 00:55:06,726
You choose it, you dooze it.

1302
00:55:12,315 --> 00:55:13,900
I'm sorry. I dooze what now?

1303
00:55:13,983 --> 00:55:15,192
Oh, shit!

1304
00:55:15,276 --> 00:55:17,069
- Come on up here, Lou!
- LOU: This is crazy!

1305
00:55:17,153 --> 00:55:19,071
Stop smiling!

1306
00:55:19,238 --> 00:55:20,907
( CHEERING )

1307
00:55:21,699 --> 00:55:25,119
And, we're back with the <i>Celebrity</i>
<i>Choozy Doozy</i> challenge round.

1308
00:55:25,494 --> 00:55:28,789
We have Nick Webber along
with his pal, Lou Dorchen!

1309
00:55:29,248 --> 00:55:31,042
What exactly is this?

1310
00:55:31,125 --> 00:55:33,419
It's the number one show on TV.

1311
00:55:33,669 --> 00:55:35,838
Okay, load 'em up!

1312
00:55:40,134 --> 00:55:42,094
What the fuck?

1313
00:55:42,428 --> 00:55:43,763
I don't think this is real.

1314
00:55:43,930 --> 00:55:45,556
( ALL LAUGHING )

1315
00:55:46,724 --> 00:55:48,935
Yeah. It's like <i>Lawnmower Man.</i>

1316
00:55:49,143 --> 00:55:51,020
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1317
00:55:51,103 --> 00:55:52,229
Just like <i>Lawnmower Man,</i>

1318
00:55:52,313 --> 00:55:53,606
except, you know,
we're supposed to fuck.

1319
00:55:53,689 --> 00:55:56,317
Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.

1320
00:55:56,609 --> 00:55:57,693
( AUDIENCE BOOING )

1321
00:55:57,777 --> 00:55:58,986
Bring me the thing!

1322
00:55:59,070 --> 00:56:00,112
Well...

1323
00:56:00,529 --> 00:56:02,740
I'm glad we're on the same page.

1324
00:56:03,449 --> 00:56:04,492
( ELECTRICITY BUZZING )

1325
00:56:04,575 --> 00:56:05,826
What's going on? Lou!

1326
00:56:07,036 --> 00:56:08,037
Oh...

1327
00:56:09,830 --> 00:56:10,998
( GASPING )

1328
00:56:11,082 --> 00:56:12,083
-( BUZZING )
-( GROANS )

1329
00:56:15,461 --> 00:56:16,837
Motherfucker!

1330
00:56:17,046 --> 00:56:18,214
This is getting a little dark.

1331
00:56:18,297 --> 00:56:19,799
Dark? What do you mean?

1332
00:56:19,882 --> 00:56:21,425
Okay, if this is the most popular show,

1333
00:56:21,509 --> 00:56:22,718
give me some of the other shows?

1334
00:56:22,802 --> 00:56:24,595
Yeah, of course.
There's <i>Toddler In The Wild,</i>

1335
00:56:24,679 --> 00:56:25,846
there's <i>Mommy, I'm Drowning,</i>

1336
00:56:25,930 --> 00:56:27,264
there's <i>Daddy, Where Are You Going?</i>

1337
00:56:27,348 --> 00:56:29,850
There's, um, <i>Building Explosion.</i>

1338
00:56:30,434 --> 00:56:31,978
<i>- Building Explosion?</i>
- Yeah, <i>Building Explosion.</i>

1339
00:56:32,061 --> 00:56:34,230
It just shows big buildings
falling down, and...

1340
00:56:34,313 --> 00:56:36,816
Kids, like, trapped in the basement,
and the building falls,

1341
00:56:36,899 --> 00:56:38,484
and they're like, "Ma, get me out of here."

1342
00:56:38,567 --> 00:56:40,861
And it shows them how
to get out in an emergency,

1343
00:56:40,945 --> 00:56:43,155
but also tells them when to give up.

1344
00:56:43,656 --> 00:56:44,657
Ah!

1345
00:56:44,782 --> 00:56:46,659
Bing bong! What's the delay?

1346
00:56:46,951 --> 00:56:48,661
( GROANS ) Hey.

1347
00:56:48,911 --> 00:56:52,581
Hey. There's something
trying to kill us here.

1348
00:56:53,416 --> 00:56:56,252
That's 10,000 volts of electricity
coursing through the suits

1349
00:56:56,335 --> 00:56:58,671
that you're wearing back here
in the studio!

1350
00:56:59,088 --> 00:57:01,674
Every week,
it's the same goddamn thing.

1351
00:57:02,174 --> 00:57:04,510
It's guy on guy, girl on girl.

1352
00:57:04,969 --> 00:57:07,221
Sometimes it's even guy on girl.

1353
00:57:07,513 --> 00:57:08,514
( ALL LAUGHING )

1354
00:57:08,681 --> 00:57:09,890
What is the big deal

1355
00:57:09,974 --> 00:57:11,642
with the two of you boys
sleeping together?

1356
00:57:11,726 --> 00:57:14,520
You're acting like it's 2010,
for Christ's sakes.

1357
00:57:15,146 --> 00:57:18,858
Now, we got a show to do, boys!
So start fucking!

1358
00:57:19,150 --> 00:57:20,609
Dude, is there, like,
a stage manager around?

1359
00:57:20,693 --> 00:57:21,944
I mean, they're gonna kill these guys.

1360
00:57:22,028 --> 00:57:23,487
Hey, I'm sorry. Look.

1361
00:57:23,571 --> 00:57:26,115
If you're gonna sit next to me,
I need to know right now,

1362
00:57:26,198 --> 00:57:28,367
do you have a problem with this show?

1363
00:57:28,451 --> 00:57:30,286
Well, yeah, clearly I have
a problem with this show.

1364
00:57:30,369 --> 00:57:31,704
I mean, look, this is grotesque.

1365
00:57:31,787 --> 00:57:33,748
Jacob. This is a great show.

1366
00:57:33,831 --> 00:57:35,291
This is the number one show
in the nation.

1367
00:57:35,374 --> 00:57:37,376
This is a show that families enjoy.

1368
00:57:37,460 --> 00:57:39,170
- Okay?
- This is a family show?

1369
00:57:39,253 --> 00:57:41,172
- Absolutely.
- Like, it's on at, like, 8:00?

1370
00:57:41,255 --> 00:57:44,216
It's on at 7:00 on Sunday nights
against <i>Butthole Nation.</i>

1371
00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:45,885
And it always wins.

1372
00:57:46,469 --> 00:57:47,720
( SIGHS )

1373
00:57:52,475 --> 00:57:54,143
Classic Lou.

1374
00:57:55,478 --> 00:57:57,063
( AUDIENCE LAUGHING )

1375
00:57:59,065 --> 00:58:00,191
Okay.

1376
00:58:01,567 --> 00:58:02,568
( SIGHS )

1377
00:58:04,737 --> 00:58:06,572
Okay. ( GRUNTS )

1378
00:58:07,573 --> 00:58:08,824
I'm sorry, Lou.

1379
00:58:08,908 --> 00:58:11,494
I know you are, buddy! I know!

1380
00:58:11,994 --> 00:58:13,287
I know. I love you, man!

1381
00:58:13,370 --> 00:58:14,538
Don't say that!

1382
00:58:14,622 --> 00:58:16,582
I don't wanna have an emotional
connection to this moment!

1383
00:58:16,707 --> 00:58:19,460
What... Oh, God forbid
a couple of friends

1384
00:58:19,543 --> 00:58:21,545
can't express
their brotherly love for each other!

1385
00:58:21,629 --> 00:58:22,630
I love you.

1386
00:58:22,713 --> 00:58:24,131
I told you to stop saying that!

1387
00:58:24,215 --> 00:58:26,342
I'm so sorry!

1388
00:58:26,967 --> 00:58:28,844
JACOB: So there are no more
sex taboos?

1389
00:58:29,011 --> 00:58:30,346
Well, I guess bestiality.

1390
00:58:30,429 --> 00:58:33,224
But only from
a community property perspective.

1391
00:58:33,766 --> 00:58:35,226
What do you... What do you mean?

1392
00:58:35,768 --> 00:58:37,686
Oh, you don't remember
<i>Llama v. Ferguson?</i>

1393
00:58:37,770 --> 00:58:39,021
Guy tries to divorce a llama,

1394
00:58:39,105 --> 00:58:42,024
and the land is in dispute
because the llama needs to graze?

1395
00:58:43,317 --> 00:58:45,444
But people still eat animals, right?

1396
00:58:45,528 --> 00:58:48,614
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And animals
eat people, it's all the same.

1397
00:58:50,449 --> 00:58:53,536
You got a tuft of hair
coming out your crack.

1398
00:58:53,619 --> 00:58:55,204
Don't fuckin' worry about it, okay?

1399
00:58:55,287 --> 00:58:57,331
I'll get your grooming tips later.

1400
00:58:57,414 --> 00:58:58,499
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

1401
00:58:58,582 --> 00:58:59,750
Okay. I love you.

1402
00:59:00,793 --> 00:59:04,213
All right! Put it in slow!

1403
00:59:04,296 --> 00:59:05,965
Really slow!

1404
00:59:06,465 --> 00:59:07,591
One...

1405
00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:09,552
Two...

1406
00:59:09,635 --> 00:59:11,262
- Take that dick.
- What the fuck?

1407
00:59:11,345 --> 00:59:12,638
Come on! It's just something I say.

1408
00:59:12,721 --> 00:59:13,931
"Take that dick"?

1409
00:59:14,974 --> 00:59:16,976
Wait, hold on! Stop, stop, stop!

1410
00:59:20,980 --> 00:59:22,231
Oh!

1411
00:59:22,314 --> 00:59:24,608
Looks like somebody chose a lifeline!

1412
00:59:24,817 --> 00:59:26,360
Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!

1413
00:59:26,443 --> 00:59:28,445
Who will the lucky winner be?

1414
00:59:28,654 --> 00:59:29,864
What happens? Do we get waffles?

1415
00:59:29,989 --> 00:59:31,282
- What happened?
- It's a lifeline,

1416
00:59:31,407 --> 00:59:33,033
so the chooser picks a new doozer.

1417
00:59:33,117 --> 00:59:34,869
You gotta choose someone, Lou.

1418
00:59:34,952 --> 00:59:36,537
NICK: Choose waffles.

1419
00:59:36,620 --> 00:59:37,580
( GASPS ) Oh.

1420
00:59:37,830 --> 00:59:38,914
Okay, I get it. I get it.

1421
00:59:38,998 --> 00:59:40,583
All right. All right. Uh... ( CHUCKLES )

1422
00:59:40,666 --> 00:59:44,170
Yeah, I know just the guy.
He loves this show.

1423
00:59:46,881 --> 00:59:47,882
Oh!

1424
00:59:48,174 --> 00:59:49,550
Oh, no, no, no. I'm...

1425
00:59:49,633 --> 00:59:52,303
I'm actually getting married tonight,
so I can't.

1426
00:59:53,512 --> 00:59:55,097
It's actually an issue of fidelity.

1427
00:59:55,306 --> 00:59:56,557
I cannot do this.

1428
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:58,017
You're a monster, Lou.

1429
01:00:04,315 --> 01:00:05,316
What's up?

1430
01:00:05,649 --> 01:00:07,151
NICK: Get ready, 'cause here it comes.

1431
01:00:07,234 --> 01:00:08,277
Here what comes?

1432
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:10,029
( ADAM SCREAMING )

1433
01:00:12,364 --> 01:00:13,365
<i>That's my butt!</i>

1434
01:00:14,074 --> 01:00:15,409
( LAUGHING )

1435
01:00:15,492 --> 01:00:18,495
Wow! That was good TV.

1436
01:00:20,706 --> 01:00:22,416
You know what, Adam, I thought about it.

1437
01:00:22,499 --> 01:00:24,752
You can call me Uncle Lou now.

1438
01:00:24,835 --> 01:00:27,171
Holy shit! Did you see that?

1439
01:00:27,504 --> 01:00:29,173
You're a fucking lunatic!

1440
01:00:29,256 --> 01:00:31,258
- Was that the same car?
- Couldn't be.

1441
01:00:31,342 --> 01:00:32,843
That car tried to
run me down on purpose.

1442
01:00:32,927 --> 01:00:34,136
Did you see that?

1443
01:00:34,386 --> 01:00:35,471
( GASPS )

1444
01:00:35,721 --> 01:00:37,348
What if that car's my murderer?

1445
01:00:37,473 --> 01:00:39,266
You were shot in the dick in the past,
remember?

1446
01:00:39,350 --> 01:00:41,310
Oh, like that would be
the craziest fucking thing

1447
01:00:41,393 --> 01:00:43,312
that's ever happened to us.
That car's an asshole.

1448
01:00:43,395 --> 01:00:46,023
The car's not an asshole.
You're an asshole.

1449
01:00:46,690 --> 01:00:48,651
Whoa. Where'd that come from?

1450
01:00:48,734 --> 01:00:52,112
Everything is all about Lou.
No regard for anybody else.

1451
01:00:52,196 --> 01:00:54,531
I'm pretty sure that's never
been the case at all, ever.

1452
01:00:54,615 --> 01:00:56,825
Because of you, Adam just got raped.

1453
01:00:57,159 --> 01:00:58,494
Are we calling it a rape?

1454
01:00:58,577 --> 01:01:00,037
Whoa! Nobody got raped.

1455
01:01:00,204 --> 01:01:01,622
It felt like kind of a gray area.

1456
01:01:01,747 --> 01:01:03,332
You're a fucking virus, Lou.

1457
01:01:03,540 --> 01:01:05,000
You find a vulnerable host,

1458
01:01:05,501 --> 01:01:08,170
and you attach yourself
and you just fuck 'em all up.

1459
01:01:08,254 --> 01:01:09,380
LOU: ( SCOFFS ) Okay.

1460
01:01:09,546 --> 01:01:13,217
Okay. Someone needs
to find a chill-out tent.

1461
01:01:13,425 --> 01:01:15,511
Let's get you a comfy couch and
a video game. What do you say?

1462
01:01:15,594 --> 01:01:18,889
Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's
Handbook to treat your son like shit?

1463
01:01:18,973 --> 01:01:20,557
Well, if it's a Shitty Parent's Handbook,

1464
01:01:20,641 --> 01:01:23,102
wouldn't it be, like,
the theme of the whole book?

1465
01:01:23,185 --> 01:01:25,062
- No, he's right. Wait.
- NICK: No, no, no.

1466
01:01:25,145 --> 01:01:27,773
It's a step-by-step guide
for how to be a shitty parent.

1467
01:01:28,232 --> 01:01:30,401
- Exactly.
<i>- Shitty Parenting for Dummies.</i>

1468
01:01:30,484 --> 01:01:32,444
Okay. You're right. I apologize.

1469
01:01:32,528 --> 01:01:34,280
I apologize. You were totally wrong.

1470
01:01:34,363 --> 01:01:35,572
No, why would someone write that book?

1471
01:01:35,656 --> 01:01:37,074
Why would that book exist?

1472
01:01:37,157 --> 01:01:38,701
Actually, Nick's idea about retitling it

1473
01:01:38,784 --> 01:01:40,869
<i>Shitty Parenting for Dummies</i>
is a solid idea.

1474
01:01:40,953 --> 01:01:43,080
- If you want to use the metaphor again.
- LOU: It's an impulse buy.

1475
01:01:43,163 --> 01:01:45,082
All right, you know what?
Forget it. You're right, that's fair.

1476
01:01:45,165 --> 01:01:47,042
It was a misleading title.
But the point is...

1477
01:01:47,126 --> 01:01:48,419
Fuck you!

1478
01:01:48,502 --> 01:01:50,713
If they're not gonna say it, I will.

1479
01:01:50,796 --> 01:01:54,174
I am so tired of solving your problems.

1480
01:01:54,258 --> 01:01:56,468
You wanna stop your murder,
figure it out yourself.

1481
01:01:56,552 --> 01:01:57,553
I'm going to Winkle's.

1482
01:01:57,636 --> 01:01:59,555
- Jacob, what the fuck?
- Youngblood!

1483
01:01:59,638 --> 01:02:02,057
No. You know why?
'Cause as long as we're here,

1484
01:02:02,141 --> 01:02:05,686
I'm Jacob fucking Dorchen!
And that means something.

1485
01:02:05,769 --> 01:02:07,896
Jacob, come on!

1486
01:02:07,980 --> 01:02:09,481
Youngblood, we got to figure this out.

1487
01:02:09,606 --> 01:02:12,276
LOU: You're the only one
keeping track of important stuff!

1488
01:02:13,110 --> 01:02:14,111
I mean...

1489
01:02:14,445 --> 01:02:15,487
You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it.

1490
01:02:15,612 --> 01:02:17,448
Who cares? Who needs him?
I don't need him.

1491
01:02:17,656 --> 01:02:19,366
Hey, I'm getting married today, guys.

1492
01:02:19,450 --> 01:02:21,243
What do you say we kick this day
in the pants

1493
01:02:21,327 --> 01:02:24,288
and get over there early
for some Bloody Mary-tinis?

1494
01:02:24,371 --> 01:02:25,956
I'm sorry. Can I just get rid of this thing?

1495
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:28,542
No! She said not to
take it off for 24 hours.

1496
01:02:28,625 --> 01:02:29,918
- Or what?
- I don't know.

1497
01:02:30,002 --> 01:02:32,171
Yeah, exactly.
If I had a dime for every time

1498
01:02:32,254 --> 01:02:34,965
I did something a cocktail waitress
told me not to do,

1499
01:02:35,049 --> 01:02:36,508
I'd be rich. Look.

1500
01:02:39,636 --> 01:02:41,013
Oh! ( CHUCKLES )

1501
01:02:41,180 --> 01:02:43,307
Oh, my God,
the cocktail waitress was wrong.

1502
01:02:43,515 --> 01:02:44,475
Sorry, my mistake.

1503
01:02:44,558 --> 01:02:45,934
I should listen to you more often, Lou.

1504
01:02:46,143 --> 01:02:47,269
- All right.
-( SIGHS )

1505
01:02:47,353 --> 01:02:48,520
You just learned a valuable life lesson.

1506
01:02:48,604 --> 01:02:49,772
I did.

1507
01:02:52,608 --> 01:02:53,567
Guys?

1508
01:02:54,318 --> 01:02:55,486
Come on.

1509
01:02:56,987 --> 01:02:58,030
Mmm...

1510
01:03:01,241 --> 01:03:03,911
Ew, God. So...

1511
01:03:05,037 --> 01:03:06,163
( GASPING )

1512
01:03:06,830 --> 01:03:08,707
-911, right?
- Yeah.

1513
01:03:16,256 --> 01:03:17,508
( RETCHES )

1514
01:03:18,383 --> 01:03:19,384
LOU: Ugh.

1515
01:03:19,510 --> 01:03:21,512
Fucking disgusting, dude!

1516
01:03:21,845 --> 01:03:24,098
Okay, you're sick. You made your point.

1517
01:03:24,223 --> 01:03:26,517
Come on, Lou,
you know he can't help it.

1518
01:03:26,683 --> 01:03:27,684
You okay, buddy?

1519
01:03:27,851 --> 01:03:28,852
( GURGLES )

1520
01:03:28,936 --> 01:03:31,188
Okay, this is becoming
a bit of a hygiene issue.

1521
01:03:31,438 --> 01:03:33,524
KELLY: All right, let's see
what we have here.

1522
01:03:33,649 --> 01:03:35,484
Okay, yeah.

1523
01:03:37,027 --> 01:03:38,112
Kel.

1524
01:03:38,278 --> 01:03:39,613
Come on, really?

1525
01:03:39,696 --> 01:03:42,825
Divorced? What the fuck
are you talking about?

1526
01:03:42,908 --> 01:03:44,284
Kelly, we're soul mates.

1527
01:03:45,452 --> 01:03:46,787
Not anymore.

1528
01:03:48,038 --> 01:03:50,332
- Mommy?
- No, I'm not your mommy.

1529
01:03:51,041 --> 01:03:53,210
- Homie?
- Yeah, I'm your homie.

1530
01:03:54,378 --> 01:03:55,462
Was it... Was it something you did?

1531
01:03:55,546 --> 01:03:57,798
If so, I don't care.
I don't care. I forgive you.

1532
01:03:57,881 --> 01:03:59,383
- Put this in his mouth.
-( ADAM GROANS )

1533
01:03:59,466 --> 01:04:01,718
If you don't communicate with me,
I can't fix this!

1534
01:04:01,802 --> 01:04:02,970
You can't fix anything.

1535
01:04:03,303 --> 01:04:06,181
Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.

1536
01:04:06,265 --> 01:04:07,307
What's going on?

1537
01:04:07,558 --> 01:04:08,559
Here we go.

1538
01:04:10,352 --> 01:04:11,395
Okay.

1539
01:04:12,229 --> 01:04:13,730
Oh, that's actually not bad.

1540
01:04:13,814 --> 01:04:15,274
You know, it's, like, kind of sweet.

1541
01:04:15,732 --> 01:04:17,109
What's happening to him?

1542
01:04:17,234 --> 01:04:18,443
Oh, this is totally normal.

1543
01:04:18,569 --> 01:04:20,154
The nanobots are attacking
the narcotics.

1544
01:04:20,654 --> 01:04:22,072
How long has he been on heroin?

1545
01:04:22,406 --> 01:04:23,407
It was a Ladybug.

1546
01:04:23,740 --> 01:04:25,576
- Wait, the sticker?
- Yeah, on the neck.

1547
01:04:26,076 --> 01:04:28,495
Yeah. We normally give Tylenol for that.

1548
01:04:28,745 --> 01:04:29,997
I just pumped him full of...

1549
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:31,540
Narcotic-seeking nanobots?

1550
01:04:31,623 --> 01:04:32,958
- Yeah.
- Whoops.

1551
01:04:33,083 --> 01:04:34,835
You're a great listener.
I should have married you.

1552
01:04:35,085 --> 01:04:36,670
LOU: Look, Kel, I'm sorry, okay?

1553
01:04:38,255 --> 01:04:39,464
I'm sorry.

1554
01:04:39,590 --> 01:04:40,591
( ADAM GROANS )

1555
01:04:40,674 --> 01:04:42,092
Can we just move on?

1556
01:04:42,217 --> 01:04:44,511
I did move on, Lou. I got clean.

1557
01:04:44,761 --> 01:04:46,763
You're the one who doesn't
have a rock bottom.

1558
01:04:47,014 --> 01:04:49,099
I just pray that
there's still hope for Jacob.

1559
01:04:51,101 --> 01:04:52,186
GARY: This ain't a circus!

1560
01:04:52,269 --> 01:04:54,605
Quick juggling
and make some fucking drinks!

1561
01:04:54,855 --> 01:04:56,190
Hey! Jake the Snake!

1562
01:04:56,940 --> 01:04:58,442
Hey, is it still day out there?

1563
01:04:58,525 --> 01:04:59,943
Who gives a shit? What can I get you?

1564
01:05:00,110 --> 01:05:01,528
I'll take everything!

1565
01:05:01,695 --> 01:05:03,280
( CHUCKLES )

1566
01:05:03,363 --> 01:05:04,364
You sure about that?

1567
01:05:04,448 --> 01:05:05,949
'Cause, remember what
happened last time?

1568
01:05:06,116 --> 01:05:07,534
Everything.

1569
01:05:08,118 --> 01:05:09,286
Okay.

1570
01:05:09,786 --> 01:05:12,456
All right!
Set Mr. Dorchen up with the usual...

1571
01:05:12,539 --> 01:05:14,791
And, you know, call security.

1572
01:05:15,292 --> 01:05:17,044
KELLY:
The nanobots can't find any drugs,

1573
01:05:17,127 --> 01:05:18,795
so they're traveling to
the lowest part of his body,

1574
01:05:18,879 --> 01:05:20,380
where they'll harden and expand.

1575
01:05:20,464 --> 01:05:22,716
- His feet?
- In his testicles.

1576
01:05:22,799 --> 01:05:24,801
Well, that hardly seems like
the lowest part of his body.

1577
01:05:25,886 --> 01:05:28,055
- Shit!
- What's happening?

1578
01:05:28,305 --> 01:05:29,640
Okay. It's now or never.

1579
01:05:29,723 --> 01:05:30,807
ADAM: ( STAMMERING )
What are you doing?

1580
01:05:30,974 --> 01:05:32,726
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-( LAUGHS )

1581
01:05:32,809 --> 01:05:33,810
What is that?

1582
01:05:33,894 --> 01:05:34,978
What you gonna do with that?

1583
01:05:35,062 --> 01:05:36,063
Stick him! Stick him!

1584
01:05:36,146 --> 01:05:37,481
( SCREAMING )

1585
01:05:39,066 --> 01:05:40,400
( SCREAMING )

1586
01:05:42,027 --> 01:05:43,153
( EXCLAIMS ) Oh, shit!

1587
01:05:43,528 --> 01:05:45,072
( CONTINUES SCREAMING )

1588
01:05:47,491 --> 01:05:48,617
That's a lot of juice!

1589
01:05:48,700 --> 01:05:49,993
Okay! Enough!

1590
01:05:50,661 --> 01:05:52,329
Now what's gonna happen,
I'm going to pull this out,

1591
01:05:52,412 --> 01:05:53,747
and there might be some leakage, okay?

1592
01:05:53,830 --> 01:05:55,499
( STAMMERS )
Don't pull it out. Don't pull it out.

1593
01:05:55,582 --> 01:05:57,668
- I like it where it is.
- KELLY: One, two, three...

1594
01:05:57,918 --> 01:05:59,169
( ADAM SCREAMING )

1595
01:05:59,419 --> 01:06:01,046
Ha! Ah!

1596
01:06:03,507 --> 01:06:05,092
- LOU: Oh, wow! Okay.
- Fuck your ball juice!

1597
01:06:05,217 --> 01:06:06,218
( SPITS )

1598
01:06:06,343 --> 01:06:08,887
Oh, I walked right into that one.
Literally.

1599
01:06:09,638 --> 01:06:11,640
Oh, I don't know about you guys,
but I feel way better.

1600
01:06:12,015 --> 01:06:13,684
There's definitely semen in that.

1601
01:06:14,017 --> 01:06:16,103
There's definitely fucking semen in that.

1602
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,356
Did you taste the robots? They're gritty.

1603
01:06:23,193 --> 01:06:25,529
Oh, fucking bottle service.

1604
01:06:25,696 --> 01:06:27,447
-( GRUNTS )
- WOMAN: Hey!

1605
01:06:32,869 --> 01:06:34,538
Every fucking weekend.

1606
01:06:34,788 --> 01:06:36,123
Hey, baby. ( SNIFFS )

1607
01:06:36,623 --> 01:06:38,792
You're a fuck-up, Jacob.

1608
01:06:39,459 --> 01:06:41,003
Just like your loser dad.

1609
01:06:41,086 --> 01:06:43,422
I'm not anything like my fucking dad!

1610
01:06:49,553 --> 01:06:51,179
No... Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.

1611
01:06:51,263 --> 01:06:52,264
( GROANS )

1612
01:06:52,723 --> 01:06:53,890
Wait.

1613
01:06:54,057 --> 01:06:55,100
Wait.

1614
01:06:56,101 --> 01:06:58,437
I know how this looks.

1615
01:06:59,062 --> 01:07:01,231
No. You don't.

1616
01:07:06,570 --> 01:07:09,573
You see my son? Do you know my son?

1617
01:07:10,741 --> 01:07:12,075
Jacob!

1618
01:07:12,326 --> 01:07:15,329
Has anybody seen
a grown-up Garbage Pail Kid?

1619
01:07:17,247 --> 01:07:18,248
There's Winkle.

1620
01:07:18,415 --> 01:07:21,001
GARY: I pay you girls to like me.
Hey, smile!

1621
01:07:21,084 --> 01:07:22,586
Hey!

1622
01:07:23,086 --> 01:07:25,255
Uh-oh!
Electric Ladybug, huh?

1623
01:07:25,339 --> 01:07:27,090
- Fuck you, dude!
- Yeah.

1624
01:07:27,174 --> 01:07:28,342
Hey, how you doing?

1625
01:07:28,425 --> 01:07:29,968
I'm doing fucking shitty, Gary.

1626
01:07:30,177 --> 01:07:33,013
Still haven't found my killer,
and there's a car trying to run me down.

1627
01:07:33,096 --> 01:07:34,097
I hear you there, brother.

1628
01:07:34,222 --> 01:07:35,932
I had a Passat follow me
around for three weeks one time.

1629
01:07:36,099 --> 01:07:37,601
Had to buy it rims to make it go away.

1630
01:07:37,851 --> 01:07:39,186
You know what I'm talking about, huh?

1631
01:07:39,269 --> 01:07:40,270
Where's Jacob?

1632
01:07:40,354 --> 01:07:42,064
Oh, I had to throw him out,
like I always do.

1633
01:07:42,147 --> 01:07:43,315
You know what I mean?

1634
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:45,901
He said something about going
to see his family therapist,

1635
01:07:45,984 --> 01:07:47,110
whoever the fuck that is.

1636
01:07:50,822 --> 01:07:52,407
I know where he is.

1637
01:08:04,127 --> 01:08:05,796
I'm not that strong.

1638
01:08:11,968 --> 01:08:13,303
LOU: Hey, son.

1639
01:08:14,638 --> 01:08:16,181
It's Daddy.

1640
01:08:23,063 --> 01:08:24,398
( NICK SIGHS )

1641
01:08:30,987 --> 01:08:33,573
It's a nice... Nice place.

1642
01:08:33,657 --> 01:08:35,242
Yeah, yeah.

1643
01:08:35,325 --> 01:08:38,328
I mean, like, as far as rooms go,
this is one of the biggest.

1644
01:08:38,578 --> 01:08:39,704
A great room is a great room.

1645
01:08:39,830 --> 01:08:41,498
I could see myself chilling here.

1646
01:08:41,748 --> 01:08:44,334
Right. Throwing some football.

1647
01:08:44,584 --> 01:08:46,420
Having a football match right
in the middle of the floor.

1648
01:08:46,670 --> 01:08:49,423
Football, basketball,
you know, just all the sports.

1649
01:08:49,673 --> 01:08:51,675
I'm so comfortable
and relaxed right now.

1650
01:08:51,758 --> 01:08:53,051
Me, too.

1651
01:08:54,177 --> 01:08:55,220
- Hey, Adam...
- Yeah.

1652
01:08:55,345 --> 01:08:56,346
...about what happened
at <i>Choozy Doozy...</i>

1653
01:08:56,513 --> 01:08:59,599
No, it was... You know, it was virtual.

1654
01:09:00,016 --> 01:09:02,018
Yeah. Virtual.

1655
01:09:02,269 --> 01:09:03,645
So it was just like...
( BLOWS RASPBERRY )

1656
01:09:03,728 --> 01:09:04,771
It's in the ether.

1657
01:09:04,855 --> 01:09:06,690
- It does not exist.
- Who cares?

1658
01:09:07,023 --> 01:09:08,024
That shit happened.

1659
01:09:08,191 --> 01:09:09,693
Yeah, we should get
that show cancelled.

1660
01:09:09,776 --> 01:09:11,194
Or at least arrest someone.

1661
01:09:11,361 --> 01:09:13,113
I could've ate some goddamn waffles.

1662
01:09:13,864 --> 01:09:17,367
It's like you shoved
a fucking Buick up my butt.

1663
01:09:17,617 --> 01:09:19,703
I got a Buick dick.

1664
01:09:20,036 --> 01:09:21,371
You do.

1665
01:09:22,372 --> 01:09:24,624
Shit got bad, Lou.

1666
01:09:24,708 --> 01:09:27,127
I mean bad like the part
of <i>Boogie Nights</i>

1667
01:09:27,210 --> 01:09:29,713
after Mark Wahlberg jerks off
in the pickup truck.

1668
01:09:30,046 --> 01:09:32,382
I mean, here we are,
with the greatest power

1669
01:09:32,466 --> 01:09:35,051
the universe has to offer
at our fingertips

1670
01:09:35,552 --> 01:09:38,722
and we're just a bunch of fuck-ups.

1671
01:09:40,223 --> 01:09:43,393
( SIGHS ) Jacob, I know
what you're going through.

1672
01:09:43,477 --> 01:09:46,146
Yeah, I know that you do.
You're the biggest fuck-up I know.

1673
01:09:46,396 --> 01:09:47,814
Look.

1674
01:09:47,898 --> 01:09:49,149
( SIGHS )

1675
01:09:50,567 --> 01:09:52,611
You know, all Dorchen men
end up on a roof

1676
01:09:52,736 --> 01:09:54,488
at some point in their lives.

1677
01:09:54,571 --> 01:09:57,365
We party till we want to kill ourselves.
My dad did it.

1678
01:09:57,741 --> 01:09:59,326
And your son will do it after you.

1679
01:09:59,576 --> 01:10:00,994
Even Grandpappy Dorchen?

1680
01:10:01,745 --> 01:10:04,247
Jumped off a roof, survived,
died of syphilis.

1681
01:10:05,957 --> 01:10:07,000
( SIGHS )

1682
01:10:07,083 --> 01:10:09,377
Jacob, how can we expect
to find happiness

1683
01:10:09,461 --> 01:10:12,088
anywhere in time
if we're just not happy people?

1684
01:10:13,590 --> 01:10:15,592
We do the best that we can.

1685
01:10:20,096 --> 01:10:21,181
( GROANS )

1686
01:10:21,264 --> 01:10:23,308
Here comes the hug monster.

1687
01:10:29,940 --> 01:10:32,859
All right. Come on.
Let's go do some more dumb shit.

1688
01:10:32,943 --> 01:10:33,944
( LAUGHS )

1689
01:10:36,696 --> 01:10:37,948
- Whoa!
- I got you!

1690
01:10:38,031 --> 01:10:39,699
- Lou, don't drop me!
- I got you!

1691
01:10:39,783 --> 01:10:40,825
Don't drop me!

1692
01:10:40,951 --> 01:10:42,035
I'm not gonna let you fall, I promise.

1693
01:10:42,118 --> 01:10:43,370
- I trust you.
- Okay.

1694
01:10:43,620 --> 01:10:44,621
Oh, fuck, I'm gonna drop you!

1695
01:10:44,704 --> 01:10:45,705
Don't drop me! Don't drop me!

1696
01:10:45,789 --> 01:10:46,957
I'm dropping you! You fell!

1697
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:48,667
Fuck you!

1698
01:10:48,792 --> 01:10:50,001
No!

1699
01:10:50,961 --> 01:10:53,630
FEMALE AUTOMATED VOICE:
<i>Suicide prevention activated.</i>

1700
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:55,882
Oh, look at that. Force field.

1701
01:10:56,049 --> 01:10:57,133
Oh, this is a great call.

1702
01:10:57,217 --> 01:10:58,593
I must have invented that.

1703
01:10:58,802 --> 01:11:01,137
Seriously. Thank you, Dad.

1704
01:11:01,471 --> 01:11:02,806
My pleasure, son.

1705
01:11:03,139 --> 01:11:05,141
- Is it fun?
- Yeah, it's kind of fun.

1706
01:11:05,392 --> 01:11:08,144
You know what?
I'm coming down, too! Yay!

1707
01:11:08,812 --> 01:11:10,021
( SNORING )

1708
01:11:10,230 --> 01:11:12,399
LOU: Guys, guys, guys, come on!

1709
01:11:12,732 --> 01:11:14,401
We got a murder to solve here, huh?

1710
01:11:14,484 --> 01:11:16,152
Let's think. It's not Winkle.

1711
01:11:16,486 --> 01:11:17,654
It's obviously not Jacob.

1712
01:11:17,737 --> 01:11:18,738
- Right?
- Hey.

1713
01:11:18,822 --> 01:11:20,198
- No? Right.
- Come on. Come on.

1714
01:11:20,323 --> 01:11:21,950
All right. Okay.

1715
01:11:22,325 --> 01:11:23,451
( DEVICE BEEPING )

1716
01:11:23,827 --> 01:11:26,413
<i>Some curious news out
of the tech sector today.</i>

1717
01:11:26,496 --> 01:11:29,040
<i>A new synthetic element
has been developed.</i>

1718
01:11:29,165 --> 01:11:32,085
<i>The new element invented
by Brad Syed of Lougle Labs,</i>

1719
01:11:32,168 --> 01:11:35,338
<i>is tentatively being
called nitrotrinadium.</i>

1720
01:11:35,589 --> 01:11:36,590
That's it.

1721
01:11:37,507 --> 01:11:39,843
- Brad never liked me.
- No?

1722
01:11:39,926 --> 01:11:41,511
And Brad's going to Adam's wedding.

1723
01:11:41,761 --> 01:11:44,014
Oh, I keep forgetting
you guys know Brad.

1724
01:11:44,681 --> 01:11:47,851
It's gonna be fun, my wedding.
I'm looking forward to it.

1725
01:11:49,519 --> 01:11:51,146
Oh, fuck! My wedding!

1726
01:12:00,447 --> 01:12:03,199
Jill's going to kill me.
I have to go change.

1727
01:12:03,450 --> 01:12:06,036
Oh, God. I can't believe
that son of a bitch stole my idea.

1728
01:12:06,411 --> 01:12:09,289
Let's split up and find Brad on three.
One, two, three.

1729
01:12:09,372 --> 01:12:10,373
ALL: Split up and find Brad

1730
01:12:10,457 --> 01:12:12,208
before he goes back in time
and kills Lou!

1731
01:12:13,043 --> 01:12:14,294
- Wow! We are so locked in.
- Same page.

1732
01:12:14,377 --> 01:12:15,629
- We are so locked in.
- Same page.

1733
01:12:15,712 --> 01:12:16,796
- That's awesome.
- NICK: Right.

1734
01:12:17,047 --> 01:12:19,090
It's normal for men
to blow off some steam

1735
01:12:19,215 --> 01:12:20,550
before their wedding, right?

1736
01:12:20,634 --> 01:12:23,887
Adam? What'd he do,
have a light lunch and a spa day?

1737
01:12:24,220 --> 01:12:28,475
He did drugs and had sex with a man
he barely knows on national TV.

1738
01:12:28,808 --> 01:12:30,644
That doesn't sound like Adam.

1739
01:12:30,727 --> 01:12:33,980
( SIGHS ) Honey, like you said,
he's just blowing off steam.

1740
01:12:34,064 --> 01:12:36,900
Why didn't I blow off steam?
I have steam to blow off.

1741
01:12:36,983 --> 01:12:38,318
All I did was get my hair done!

1742
01:12:38,401 --> 01:12:40,570
- It looks beautiful.
- Oh, shut up, you dumb slut.

1743
01:12:40,820 --> 01:12:42,989
You blew half of Pittsburgh
before your bachelorette party.

1744
01:12:43,073 --> 01:12:44,199
Get me some champagne.

1745
01:12:51,247 --> 01:12:52,874
I don't know what's taking Jill.

1746
01:12:54,084 --> 01:12:55,585
You think she saw <i>Choozy Doozy?</i>

1747
01:12:55,669 --> 01:12:56,753
Does she watch it?

1748
01:12:57,003 --> 01:12:58,088
It's her favorite show.

1749
01:12:58,171 --> 01:12:59,422
Then she probably saw it.

1750
01:12:59,756 --> 01:13:01,091
Fuck!

1751
01:13:01,424 --> 01:13:02,425
Sorry.

1752
01:13:04,469 --> 01:13:05,512
( SIGHS )

1753
01:13:05,595 --> 01:13:08,598
This isn't good. She's never late. Ever.

1754
01:13:08,848 --> 01:13:10,517
Do you think she and I
are gonna be okay?

1755
01:13:10,767 --> 01:13:13,269
I don't know, man.
I'm not the guy to ask about marriage.

1756
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,939
- Wait, are you married?
- Yeah. Well...

1757
01:13:17,190 --> 01:13:20,276
I don't know. I hope so.

1758
01:13:20,443 --> 01:13:21,736
Okay. Well, I have to find Jill.

1759
01:13:21,820 --> 01:13:22,862
Will you cover for me?

1760
01:13:22,946 --> 01:13:24,280
No, we gotta find Brad.

1761
01:13:24,614 --> 01:13:26,783
Fuck a dude. Fuck two dudes.

1762
01:13:26,950 --> 01:13:29,619
"I'm Adam.
I get plowed by dudes on TV."

1763
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:31,121
Oh.

1764
01:13:31,287 --> 01:13:33,623
Eeny, meeny, miney, drunk.

1765
01:13:34,916 --> 01:13:36,626
( SCOFFS ) Choozy Boozey.

1766
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:40,463
Oh, so sorry. Wrong room.

1767
01:13:42,298 --> 01:13:43,299
( GIGGLES )

1768
01:13:44,634 --> 01:13:46,970
Oh, shit.

1769
01:13:48,221 --> 01:13:52,392
<i>Anybody know a Brad Syed? Report...</i>

1770
01:13:52,475 --> 01:13:54,811
Hey, Nick Webber. Do the dance.

1771
01:13:55,061 --> 01:13:56,396
<i>You want me to do the dance?</i>

1772
01:13:56,563 --> 01:13:57,564
Yeah, do the dance.

1773
01:13:57,647 --> 01:13:59,107
<i>You want me to do the fucking dance?</i>

1774
01:13:59,190 --> 01:14:00,191
ALL: Yeah!

1775
01:14:05,488 --> 01:14:07,157
<i>This is who I've become, isn't it?</i>

1776
01:14:08,158 --> 01:14:09,826
<i>The dancing clown.</i>

1777
01:14:09,909 --> 01:14:12,120
<i>The man who will
apparently do anything</i>

1778
01:14:12,203 --> 01:14:14,497
<i>to keep his shitty career going.</i>

1779
01:14:14,914 --> 01:14:16,249
<i>Meanwhile, when's the last time</i>

1780
01:14:16,332 --> 01:14:18,418
<i>I shared a romantic dinner
with my wife?</i>

1781
01:14:18,501 --> 01:14:21,379
<i>Or just did anything, just the two of us?</i>

1782
01:14:21,504 --> 01:14:22,672
<i>It's been a minute.</i>

1783
01:14:23,840 --> 01:14:26,426
<i>I'll bet there's a lot
of people here tonight</i>

1784
01:14:26,509 --> 01:14:28,344
<i>who have been taken for granted.</i>

1785
01:14:28,428 --> 01:14:29,846
<i>This lady right here.</i>

1786
01:14:30,096 --> 01:14:31,639
<i>When's the last time
your man gave you flowers,</i>

1787
01:14:31,723 --> 01:14:33,433
<i>just because?</i>

1788
01:14:33,516 --> 01:14:34,559
Fuck you, dude.

1789
01:14:34,684 --> 01:14:38,146
<i>Right? On this special occasion,</i>

1790
01:14:38,354 --> 01:14:40,690
<i>be thankful for the one you're with.</i>

1791
01:14:41,024 --> 01:14:43,193
<i>Make each moment count.</i>

1792
01:14:43,943 --> 01:14:46,196
<i>Remember why you fell in love.</i>

1793
01:14:48,198 --> 01:14:49,532
Now do the dance!

1794
01:14:49,616 --> 01:14:50,700
ALL: Yeah!

1795
01:14:50,784 --> 01:14:52,368
Do it! Do it!

1796
01:14:53,036 --> 01:14:54,871
<i>Fuck it. D.J.!</i>

1797
01:14:55,872 --> 01:14:57,207
( MUSIC PLAYING )

1798
01:15:02,879 --> 01:15:04,214
( SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY )

1799
01:15:08,051 --> 01:15:09,219
( ALL GASP )

1800
01:15:09,552 --> 01:15:10,887
-( GUNSHOT )
-( ALL EXCLAIM )

1801
01:15:12,639 --> 01:15:13,807
- Hey, Brad.
- Hey, Jacob...

1802
01:15:13,890 --> 01:15:16,601
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...

1803
01:15:16,726 --> 01:15:19,562
Give me the nitrotrinadium, Brad!
Give me the fuckin' nitro!

1804
01:15:19,896 --> 01:15:21,397
- Okay, okay.
- Slowly.

1805
01:15:21,981 --> 01:15:22,982
Slowly.

1806
01:15:23,149 --> 01:15:26,402
Be very careful, it's my only one.
I only trust you with it.

1807
01:15:26,903 --> 01:15:28,947
You thought you had it all
figured out, didn't ya?

1808
01:15:29,072 --> 01:15:30,907
Just gonna go back in time
and kill my dad.

1809
01:15:31,157 --> 01:15:32,492
- Kill your dad?
- Yeah.

1810
01:15:32,742 --> 01:15:33,910
I know your plan, Brad.

1811
01:15:34,244 --> 01:15:35,662
Okay, sure, I thought about it.

1812
01:15:35,745 --> 01:15:37,288
A lot. When I worked for him.

1813
01:15:37,413 --> 01:15:38,414
I knew it.

1814
01:15:38,581 --> 01:15:40,375
But why would I wanna kill
the man partly responsible

1815
01:15:40,458 --> 01:15:42,794
for the greatest scientific
achievement of all time?

1816
01:15:43,336 --> 01:15:44,587
( SIGHS )

1817
01:15:44,671 --> 01:15:46,714
There was no such thing
as nitrotrinadium

1818
01:15:46,798 --> 01:15:49,175
<i>when your dad gave me
the idea for it 10 years ago.</i>

1819
01:15:49,259 --> 01:15:50,593
...for time travel!

1820
01:15:50,844 --> 01:15:52,512
BRAD: <i>He had a history</i>
<i>of pulling great ideas</i>

1821
01:15:52,595 --> 01:15:54,013
<i>-out of his ass...</i>
- Boom!

1822
01:15:54,097 --> 01:15:56,683
<i>...and god damn it, he did it again.</i>

1823
01:15:56,766 --> 01:15:58,935
I'm gonna be in the lab,
trying to save this company.

1824
01:15:59,185 --> 01:16:00,645
I dedicated my life's work

1825
01:16:00,770 --> 01:16:03,022
to making Lou Dorchen's
vision a reality.

1826
01:16:03,273 --> 01:16:05,942
Wait. So you are the inventor
of time travel.

1827
01:16:06,526 --> 01:16:08,444
Right? It's fucking awesome.

1828
01:16:08,611 --> 01:16:11,155
So you weren't gonna go back to 2015
and shoot him in the dick.

1829
01:16:11,281 --> 01:16:13,867
Shoot him? ( LAUGHS )

1830
01:16:13,950 --> 01:16:16,786
If I was going to kill your dad,
it wouldn't be with a gun.

1831
01:16:17,036 --> 01:16:20,957
What I would do is spike his morning
cocktail with a potent sedative

1832
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,792
before dragging his body
to the Gulf and...

1833
01:16:22,876 --> 01:16:24,168
BOTH: Feeding it to a shark.

1834
01:16:24,502 --> 01:16:26,713
- Yeah.
- It's the perfect plan.

1835
01:16:26,963 --> 01:16:29,382
LOU: Are you having
as fantastic a time as I am?

1836
01:16:29,465 --> 01:16:31,342
JILL: Shut up! This isn't making love!

1837
01:16:31,467 --> 01:16:33,219
This is a "fuck you" to my fiance!

1838
01:16:33,303 --> 01:16:34,637
LOU: Right, right, right, right. Okay.

1839
01:16:34,888 --> 01:16:37,390
JILL: Fuck me, Uncle Lou!
LOU: Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

1840
01:16:37,640 --> 01:16:38,641
Uncle by marriage!

1841
01:16:38,725 --> 01:16:40,435
I feel like that is
an important distinction to make.

1842
01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:41,895
Fuck me, Uncle Lou by marriage!

1843
01:16:42,145 --> 01:16:43,688
I can't believe I'm fucking

1844
01:16:43,813 --> 01:16:45,982
Adam's father's future daughter-in-law!

1845
01:16:46,316 --> 01:16:50,069
JILL: I can't believe I'm fucking
Adam's father's sister's husband!

1846
01:16:51,154 --> 01:16:52,822
Adam! Have you seen Lou?

1847
01:16:53,823 --> 01:16:54,824
( WHIMPERS )

1848
01:16:54,908 --> 01:16:57,869
That Jacuzzi time machine thing,
is that real?

1849
01:16:57,994 --> 01:16:59,495
- It's a hot tub.
- Whatever!

1850
01:16:59,579 --> 01:17:01,414
Listen, Adam, I'm sorry,
I gotta be a stickler on this.

1851
01:17:01,497 --> 01:17:02,916
Jacuzzi is a brand name, and...

1852
01:17:02,999 --> 01:17:04,834
Shut up! How does it work?

1853
01:17:05,835 --> 01:17:08,004
- How does it work?
- This!

1854
01:17:09,923 --> 01:17:12,258
BRAD: It's the only nitrotrinadium
in the whole world!

1855
01:17:12,342 --> 01:17:16,596
Ten fucking years!
It was a bitch to make, dude!

1856
01:17:16,679 --> 01:17:19,307
I know, Brad.
I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.

1857
01:17:19,390 --> 01:17:20,975
He got the jump on me.

1858
01:17:21,100 --> 01:17:22,644
But he's so much smaller than you.

1859
01:17:22,727 --> 01:17:26,439
He had, like, super-human strength,
like that fucking baby in <i>Superman I.</i>

1860
01:17:26,564 --> 01:17:29,525
You mean Baby Superman?
That baby was Superman.

1861
01:17:29,609 --> 01:17:30,610
( STAMMERS ) Yeah, I mean...

1862
01:17:30,693 --> 01:17:32,528
That baby was Superman, Jacob!

1863
01:17:35,531 --> 01:17:37,116
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

1864
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:38,534
- Any luck?
-( LAUGHS )

1865
01:17:38,618 --> 01:17:39,953
- Yeah.
- You found him?

1866
01:17:40,662 --> 01:17:43,539
Oh, shit! No. Brad. No, you?

1867
01:17:43,873 --> 01:17:46,501
Nah. Dude.

1868
01:17:46,960 --> 01:17:49,629
Ten years of my life.

1869
01:17:49,712 --> 01:17:50,964
Handle it.

1870
01:17:52,215 --> 01:17:54,884
Instead of linear,
think of space-time as being fluid...

1871
01:17:54,968 --> 01:17:56,427
- Hey.
- Hey, Lou.

1872
01:17:56,552 --> 01:17:57,595
( GRUNTS )

1873
01:17:58,221 --> 01:17:59,389
( LOU CHUCKLES )

1874
01:17:59,472 --> 01:18:00,640
BOTH: America!

1875
01:18:00,890 --> 01:18:02,892
Brad was helping.
He's not the murderer.

1876
01:18:03,977 --> 01:18:05,186
Oh. Hmm.

1877
01:18:05,812 --> 01:18:07,313
- Oops.
- Then what happened?

1878
01:18:07,438 --> 01:18:10,233
Adam took the nitro.
He's going back to 2015 to kill you.

1879
01:18:10,316 --> 01:18:13,069
Adam Junior's the murderer?
Why would he do that?

1880
01:18:13,152 --> 01:18:14,570
Um, hmm...

1881
01:18:14,904 --> 01:18:16,239
I think... Uh...

1882
01:18:16,572 --> 01:18:18,241
You guys
are gonna think this is hilarious.

1883
01:18:18,366 --> 01:18:19,617
I may have,

1884
01:18:20,451 --> 01:18:24,455
uh, fucked his wife.
A tiny bit! A tiny bit.

1885
01:18:25,248 --> 01:18:27,166
You know, in her vagina, or whatever.

1886
01:18:27,250 --> 01:18:28,251
Fuck, Lou!

1887
01:18:28,334 --> 01:18:29,794
So you just created your own killer.

1888
01:18:29,919 --> 01:18:31,838
- Oh, so I'm the bad guy now!
- Yes!

1889
01:18:31,963 --> 01:18:32,964
Yes.

1890
01:18:33,256 --> 01:18:34,424
Come on!

1891
01:18:34,632 --> 01:18:35,675
JACOB: Fuck!

1892
01:18:36,092 --> 01:18:37,260
LOU: Shit.

1893
01:18:37,677 --> 01:18:39,512
Baby Adam got away.

1894
01:18:39,595 --> 01:18:41,931
Oh, shit. Shit. Look, look, look!

1895
01:18:42,765 --> 01:18:43,766
JACOB: Come on, come on, come on...

1896
01:18:43,850 --> 01:18:46,686
No, no, no, no, no!
This has got to end now.

1897
01:18:46,936 --> 01:18:48,563
-( SIGHS )
- NICK AND JACOB: Lou...

1898
01:18:48,646 --> 01:18:50,273
- Lou, what are you doing?
- Lou, get out of the road.

1899
01:18:50,440 --> 01:18:51,858
- NICK AND JACOB: Lou!
- I know what I'm doing!

1900
01:18:51,941 --> 01:18:52,984
Get the fuck out of the street!

1901
01:18:53,067 --> 01:18:54,610
You don't know what you're doing.
You're going to die!

1902
01:18:55,445 --> 01:18:56,446
Lou, would you come the fuck on?

1903
01:18:56,529 --> 01:18:57,780
Let me do this! I got this!

1904
01:18:57,989 --> 01:18:59,115
I got this!

1905
01:18:59,282 --> 01:19:00,324
- Stop!
-( NICK AND JACOB GASP )

1906
01:19:05,538 --> 01:19:07,707
I'm sorry. Okay.

1907
01:19:09,459 --> 01:19:11,085
-( ENGINE REVS )
- Okay, okay, okay! I mean it.

1908
01:19:11,169 --> 01:19:13,713
I do. I mean it.
I'm a dick. Ask my friends.

1909
01:19:13,796 --> 01:19:15,131
- He's a dick.
- Big ol' dick.

1910
01:19:15,214 --> 01:19:17,133
Look, I get you. I do.

1911
01:19:17,300 --> 01:19:19,802
I know what it's like
to feel unappreciated,

1912
01:19:19,969 --> 01:19:21,804
like just a member of the pack.

1913
01:19:22,472 --> 01:19:25,892
I just want you to know that
despite what I said before,

1914
01:19:25,975 --> 01:19:27,393
I do appreciate you.

1915
01:19:27,477 --> 01:19:29,729
And I'm appealing to your
sense of humanity right now.

1916
01:19:30,480 --> 01:19:33,149
There is a maniac trying to kill me.

1917
01:19:33,232 --> 01:19:36,819
And I'm asking you
to be the bigger car and help me out.

1918
01:19:39,405 --> 01:19:43,159
I'm just a guy looking at a car

1919
01:19:44,494 --> 01:19:46,162
and asking it to love me.

1920
01:19:48,664 --> 01:19:49,916
( CAR BEEPS )

1921
01:19:51,501 --> 01:19:53,002
( LOU SIGHS )

1922
01:19:54,712 --> 01:19:56,047
( BRAKES SCREECH )

1923
01:20:00,843 --> 01:20:02,303
( HORN HONKS )

1924
01:20:04,555 --> 01:20:07,016
Listen. You can't go with me, okay?

1925
01:20:07,391 --> 01:20:08,559
Scat!

1926
01:20:08,726 --> 01:20:10,394
-( CAR BEEPS )
-( SIGHS )

1927
01:20:12,730 --> 01:20:14,023
Hey, listen.

1928
01:20:14,107 --> 01:20:16,275
I'll be back, okay? I promise. I'll be back.

1929
01:20:16,359 --> 01:20:19,779
We'll go all the places that
we never got to go, okay?

1930
01:20:19,862 --> 01:20:20,863
Just

1931
01:20:21,906 --> 01:20:23,783
wait for me. You, uh,

1932
01:20:24,408 --> 01:20:26,327
stay blue.

1933
01:20:28,371 --> 01:20:29,497
( CAR BEEPS SADLY )

1934
01:20:35,211 --> 01:20:37,004
JACOB: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

1935
01:20:38,756 --> 01:20:40,633
We're too late. We just missed him.

1936
01:20:41,509 --> 01:20:44,053
I guess that's it. We're stuck here.

1937
01:20:44,512 --> 01:20:46,681
That means in a minute, Lou's going to

1938
01:20:47,682 --> 01:20:48,808
disappear.

1939
01:20:51,102 --> 01:20:52,770
No. That can't be right. Right, Jacob?

1940
01:20:52,854 --> 01:20:55,231
I mean, you got...
You got a plan or something.

1941
01:20:55,523 --> 01:20:57,191
No. We just got to, um...

1942
01:20:57,608 --> 01:20:59,026
What are we gonna do?

1943
01:20:59,527 --> 01:21:00,945
Fuck, I don't know.

1944
01:21:01,362 --> 01:21:02,738
I don't know.

1945
01:21:04,574 --> 01:21:05,908
Aw, shit, Lou.

1946
01:21:21,382 --> 01:21:23,885
- I'll miss you, brother.
- I'll miss you, too.

1947
01:21:30,349 --> 01:21:32,351
( SOFTLY ) Hey. Before I forget,

1948
01:21:33,060 --> 01:21:34,562
will you just keep an eye on him?

1949
01:21:36,564 --> 01:21:38,983
He's got such a big future ahead of him.

1950
01:21:39,066 --> 01:21:40,568
- Obviously.
- Yeah.

1951
01:21:44,739 --> 01:21:45,781
( SCOFFS )

1952
01:21:46,073 --> 01:21:47,491
( CHUCKLES ) I got it.

1953
01:21:47,617 --> 01:21:48,993
Jacob, it's okay. Don't...

1954
01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:50,203
No, no, no.

1955
01:21:50,286 --> 01:21:53,497
Our nitro was missing
because it didn't exist yet.

1956
01:21:53,831 --> 01:21:56,626
But if Adam took the nitro to the past,

1957
01:21:56,751 --> 01:21:58,419
then it exists here in the future.

1958
01:22:01,756 --> 01:22:03,090
Holy shit!

1959
01:22:04,175 --> 01:22:05,176
NICK: There's still time.

1960
01:22:05,426 --> 01:22:07,011
- Jacob! ( GRUNTS )
- Let's go!

1961
01:22:09,096 --> 01:22:11,140
NICK: We gotta go back to the past
to save the future.

1962
01:22:11,265 --> 01:22:12,308
What does this remind you of?

1963
01:22:12,433 --> 01:22:13,434
<i>Terminator.</i>

1964
01:22:13,517 --> 01:22:14,810
- Always <i>Terminator.</i>
- Always <i>Terminator.</i> I know.

1965
01:22:14,894 --> 01:22:16,103
Let's go save Lou's life.

1966
01:22:16,187 --> 01:22:17,438
BOTH: High five.

1967
01:22:17,688 --> 01:22:18,773
High five.

1968
01:22:19,148 --> 01:22:20,608
( ELECTRICITY CRACKLING )

1969
01:22:25,947 --> 01:22:28,032
This is my favorite part!

1970
01:22:28,115 --> 01:22:29,450
Ah, here we go! Here we go!

1971
01:22:29,533 --> 01:22:31,202
( ALL SCREAMING )

1972
01:22:44,131 --> 01:22:46,133
- I think we made it!
- Let's go!

1973
01:22:46,384 --> 01:22:47,468
- Let's go!
- Okay.

1974
01:22:48,552 --> 01:22:50,012
( MUSIC PLAYING )

1975
01:22:53,140 --> 01:22:54,809
It's the party. And there's still time!

1976
01:22:55,059 --> 01:22:57,228
He's gotta be around here somewhere!

1977
01:22:57,895 --> 01:23:00,356
BUFFER: <i>We are live!</i>

1978
01:23:00,982 --> 01:23:03,150
<i>From Lougle Mansion.</i>

1979
01:23:03,651 --> 01:23:08,322
<i>Worth 2.3 billion dollars, introducing</i>

1980
01:23:08,990 --> 01:23:12,910
<i>Lou "the Violator"</i>

1981
01:23:12,994 --> 01:23:14,662
<i>Dorchen!</i>

1982
01:23:14,870 --> 01:23:16,497
( GUESTS CHEERING )

1983
01:23:19,166 --> 01:23:20,501
( SQUEALING )

1984
01:23:25,256 --> 01:23:26,757
- Hey, everybody.
- ADAM: Lou!

1985
01:23:26,882 --> 01:23:28,342
( ALL SCREAMING )

1986
01:23:30,594 --> 01:23:31,679
Lou, I found him.

1987
01:23:31,804 --> 01:23:33,264
I'm going to shoot you in the dick

1988
01:23:33,347 --> 01:23:35,474
so you can't fuck anyone else's wife!

1989
01:23:35,558 --> 01:23:36,851
Technically, you all aren't married yet,

1990
01:23:36,934 --> 01:23:38,769
-so she's not your wife.
- Yes, she is!

1991
01:23:38,853 --> 01:23:41,022
Adam, I hate to be a stickler,
but you guys haven't met yet.

1992
01:23:41,105 --> 01:23:42,106
- It's 2015.
- Shut the fuck up!

1993
01:23:42,189 --> 01:23:43,274
- Mazel tov!
- Congratulations!

1994
01:23:43,524 --> 01:23:44,775
( WOMAN SCREAMS )

1995
01:23:47,528 --> 01:23:49,864
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

1996
01:23:50,197 --> 01:23:52,199
It's probably pretty hard
to shoot a man, right?

1997
01:23:52,700 --> 01:23:53,701
Don't.

1998
01:23:53,784 --> 01:23:56,203
It's okay. It's okay. Watch.

1999
01:23:57,038 --> 01:23:59,790
I'm just gonna make it
easier on you. Look.

2000
01:24:01,375 --> 01:24:02,418
( SIGHS )

2001
01:24:02,877 --> 01:24:05,296
- Shotgun to the dick.
- His destiny.

2002
01:24:05,713 --> 01:24:07,715
I turned you into a murderer.

2003
01:24:08,382 --> 01:24:09,508
I've just ruined my own life.

2004
01:24:09,592 --> 01:24:12,470
I have so much fuckin' poison in me
that I've ruined yours, too.

2005
01:24:12,553 --> 01:24:13,888
Jacob was right.

2006
01:24:14,221 --> 01:24:15,723
I'm a virus.

2007
01:24:16,724 --> 01:24:19,560
This is your revenge to take. Okay?

2008
01:24:20,561 --> 01:24:21,812
Please.

2009
01:24:25,316 --> 01:24:26,650
I've seen my future.

2010
01:24:26,901 --> 01:24:28,569
You saw it. I'm a disaster.

2011
01:24:29,570 --> 01:24:30,571
It's okay.

2012
01:24:30,905 --> 01:24:33,991
Just kill me
and put us both out of our misery?

2013
01:24:34,075 --> 01:24:35,242
Please.

2014
01:24:35,409 --> 01:24:38,162
I can't. I can't do it.

2015
01:24:38,329 --> 01:24:40,623
Jesus Christ,
do I have to fucking do everything?

2016
01:24:41,499 --> 01:24:42,500
Lou...

2017
01:24:43,250 --> 01:24:44,251
No!

2018
01:24:44,335 --> 01:24:45,753
( ALL EXCLAIM )

2019
01:24:48,798 --> 01:24:50,132
You okay?

2020
01:24:52,927 --> 01:24:54,678
You're fucking crazy, Lou.

2021
01:24:59,141 --> 01:25:00,768
( BREATHING HEAVILY )

2022
01:25:02,853 --> 01:25:04,480
I'm sorry, I may have shit my pants.

2023
01:25:04,605 --> 01:25:06,357
That's all right.
It was a stressful situation.

2024
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:08,526
It was really stressful. I'm exhausted.

2025
01:25:08,609 --> 01:25:09,693
BOTH: Oh!

2026
01:25:09,777 --> 01:25:11,112
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry.

2027
01:25:11,779 --> 01:25:12,822
Jill?

2028
01:25:12,905 --> 01:25:14,407
How did you know my...

2029
01:25:14,657 --> 01:25:16,242
Oh. My nametag.

2030
01:25:16,325 --> 01:25:17,993
No, no, it's because you're my...

2031
01:25:20,037 --> 01:25:22,790
I'm sorry. This is just... This is weird.

2032
01:25:23,290 --> 01:25:26,627
Up until yesterday,
I thought I had a normal life.

2033
01:25:26,877 --> 01:25:28,379
I know what you mean. I...

2034
01:25:28,462 --> 01:25:31,715
Have you ever felt like
your entire life was a fraud?

2035
01:25:31,799 --> 01:25:33,801
I'm sorry. "Fraud"
is the wrong word. "Lie"?

2036
01:25:37,471 --> 01:25:38,472
I'm Adam.

2037
01:25:38,556 --> 01:25:40,850
- I'm...
- Jill. I know.

2038
01:25:41,350 --> 01:25:42,810
Lovely tuxedo you're wearing.

2039
01:25:43,018 --> 01:25:45,187
Thank you. Well, it's for our...

2040
01:25:47,314 --> 01:25:48,816
( SPEAKING GIBBERISH )

2041
01:25:50,818 --> 01:25:51,944
Forgot what I was going to say.

2042
01:25:53,737 --> 01:25:55,656
( POP MUSIC PLAYING )

2043
01:26:00,161 --> 01:26:02,163
Well, that was exciting.

2044
01:26:02,246 --> 01:26:04,498
I guess it's not a Lougle party
until somebody gets shot at.

2045
01:26:04,748 --> 01:26:05,833
I don't want to go to the Grammys.

2046
01:26:05,916 --> 01:26:06,959
No?

2047
01:26:07,042 --> 01:26:08,544
I don't wanna go to your sister's either.

2048
01:26:08,669 --> 01:26:10,337
I just want to go somewhere,
just you and me.

2049
01:26:11,672 --> 01:26:13,048
Start making things right.

2050
01:26:14,383 --> 01:26:16,385
I like that. Okay.

2051
01:26:16,719 --> 01:26:18,179
And I want to get out of this shirt.

2052
01:26:18,387 --> 01:26:20,848
I've been in it for, like, three days,
and it's really loud.

2053
01:26:21,932 --> 01:26:23,642
- Come here.
- Hmm?

2054
01:26:23,726 --> 01:26:25,895
Put your arms up for a sec, like that.

2055
01:26:26,896 --> 01:26:29,565
Is this a dance or something?

2056
01:26:29,857 --> 01:26:31,859
Something like that. More of a strut.

2057
01:26:32,234 --> 01:26:33,569
I'm coming in.

2058
01:26:33,694 --> 01:26:35,488
Okay. ( GIGGLES )

2059
01:26:35,571 --> 01:26:37,907
- There it is. Yeah.
- Oh, okay.

2060
01:26:38,532 --> 01:26:40,242
Oh, this is some stupid shit.

2061
01:26:40,326 --> 01:26:42,077
You have no idea.

2062
01:26:43,537 --> 01:26:45,039
KELLY: Did I just hear fireworks?

2063
01:26:45,122 --> 01:26:47,541
Because fireworks make me want
to puke, and you know that.

2064
01:26:57,051 --> 01:26:58,219
Hmm? Mmm...

2065
01:27:01,096 --> 01:27:02,556
Why are you more handsome?

2066
01:27:03,557 --> 01:27:05,309
I'm a bald person.

2067
01:27:05,392 --> 01:27:06,393
Hey.

2068
01:27:06,477 --> 01:27:08,979
What do you think about doing
a 12-step program with me?

2069
01:27:09,939 --> 01:27:12,650
You know, like, go to an awesome rehab

2070
01:27:12,733 --> 01:27:16,445
with good food and a pool
and classy people.

2071
01:27:18,489 --> 01:27:19,657
What do you think?

2072
01:27:20,950 --> 01:27:22,451
- Okay.
- Yeah?

2073
01:27:23,118 --> 01:27:24,620
I fucking hate you, Lou.

2074
01:27:24,912 --> 01:27:26,288
I fucking hate you, Kelly.

2075
01:27:30,292 --> 01:27:32,503
JACOB: Sophie! Hey!
Where are you going?

2076
01:27:32,586 --> 01:27:35,589
Um, people are shooting each other.
I'm getting out of here.

2077
01:27:35,673 --> 01:27:36,715
Okay. Here's the thing, Soph,

2078
01:27:36,799 --> 01:27:38,842
I've seen our future together
and I will be the first person

2079
01:27:38,926 --> 01:27:40,928
to admit that it is fucking insane.

2080
01:27:41,095 --> 01:27:42,763
The drugs, the constant partying.

2081
01:27:42,846 --> 01:27:45,140
It's enough to make anybody ask,
"When is enough enough?"

2082
01:27:45,266 --> 01:27:46,308
What are you talking about?

2083
01:27:46,433 --> 01:27:47,560
Just stay with me here.
Just stay with me.

2084
01:27:47,643 --> 01:27:48,978
Did you change?

2085
01:27:49,103 --> 01:27:50,896
Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,

2086
01:27:50,980 --> 01:27:52,231
right in the middle of that future

2087
01:27:52,314 --> 01:27:55,317
is this toxic power couple
named you and me.

2088
01:27:55,442 --> 01:27:57,361
And does it all end in tragedy and tears

2089
01:27:57,444 --> 01:27:59,363
and a murder mystery?
Yes, of course it does.

2090
01:27:59,613 --> 01:28:00,948
But I don't care.

2091
01:28:01,156 --> 01:28:02,908
I just got one question, Sophie.

2092
01:28:03,951 --> 01:28:05,703
Are you ready for the ride
of your fucking life?

2093
01:28:20,301 --> 01:28:21,343
What's that in your pocket?

2094
01:28:21,844 --> 01:28:23,178
My dick.

2095
01:28:24,305 --> 01:28:25,848
Oh, the other thing.

2096
01:28:26,682 --> 01:28:29,184
A billion fucking dollars.

2097
01:28:31,645 --> 01:28:34,064
Hey, I just met my future wife in there.

2098
01:28:34,315 --> 01:28:36,984
Yeah, man. Hang out with us,
that kind of shit happens all the time.

2099
01:28:37,151 --> 01:28:39,153
Yeah. A lot of highs and lows here.

2100
01:28:39,361 --> 01:28:40,863
- Yeah.
- You know, when you think about it,

2101
01:28:40,946 --> 01:28:43,115
Lou had to fuck your wife in the future,

2102
01:28:43,240 --> 01:28:44,575
so you could meet her in the past.

2103
01:28:45,034 --> 01:28:47,119
- Well...
- Yeah. But, hey...

2104
01:28:47,703 --> 01:28:48,912
That's what uncles do, right?

2105
01:28:50,831 --> 01:28:51,832
Not really.

2106
01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:53,792
JACOB: Hey, just think of it this way.

2107
01:28:53,876 --> 01:28:55,377
Since it happened in the future,

2108
01:28:55,502 --> 01:28:57,087
it technically hasn't happened at all.

2109
01:28:57,421 --> 01:28:59,089
It's cyclical.

2110
01:28:59,173 --> 01:29:01,258
ADAM: Yeah. And even though
I didn't meet my dad,

2111
01:29:01,342 --> 01:29:03,093
I met some friends for life.

2112
01:29:03,177 --> 01:29:04,178
NICK: Oh, yeah? Who?

2113
01:29:04,428 --> 01:29:06,764
- ADAM: Hey, Lou?
- Uncle Lou.

2114
01:29:07,765 --> 01:29:09,016
Uncle Lou.

2115
01:29:09,767 --> 01:29:12,603
No harm, no foul,
but did you ejaculate in her?

2116
01:29:12,686 --> 01:29:14,688
Hey. That doesn't matter.

2117
01:29:15,105 --> 01:29:17,107
I ejaculated inside of you.

2118
01:29:17,358 --> 01:29:18,609
JACOB: And that doesn't matter either.

2119
01:29:18,734 --> 01:29:21,528
Because those are
both just hypothetical future scenarios.

2120
01:29:21,612 --> 01:29:23,822
No one ejaculated inside
of anything, really.

2121
01:29:23,906 --> 01:29:25,032
No one's ejaculated.

2122
01:29:25,199 --> 01:29:26,200
( WHISPERS ) Yeah, I did.

2123
01:29:26,283 --> 01:29:27,284
LOU: You know what?

2124
01:29:27,618 --> 01:29:29,203
I had this moment earlier.

2125
01:29:31,121 --> 01:29:33,457
I think it was when my nephew
from the future

2126
01:29:33,582 --> 01:29:35,125
had a shotgun pointed at my dick

2127
01:29:35,209 --> 01:29:36,293
that I'd helped him place there.

2128
01:29:37,586 --> 01:29:38,921
That was me.

2129
01:29:39,129 --> 01:29:42,966
But in that moment,
everything became clear to me.

2130
01:29:43,133 --> 01:29:45,135
We need to change people's lives.

2131
01:29:45,302 --> 01:29:47,137
Make the world a better place.

2132
01:29:47,763 --> 01:29:50,015
-( ELECTRICITY CRACKLING )
- All we have to do is...

2133
01:29:50,140 --> 01:29:51,141
( GUNSHOT )

2134
01:29:52,309 --> 01:29:53,268
-( RETCHES )
- Ah!

2135
01:29:53,352 --> 01:29:54,353
( ALL SCREAMING )

2136
01:29:54,978 --> 01:29:56,271
Lou!

2137
01:29:56,897 --> 01:29:58,357
MAN: Don't listen to anything he says.

2138
01:29:58,690 --> 01:29:59,733
JACOB: Adam?

2139
01:29:59,983 --> 01:30:01,819
NICK: What the fuck? You shot Lou!

2140
01:30:01,944 --> 01:30:03,529
Dad?

2141
01:30:03,946 --> 01:30:04,947
What's going on?

2142
01:30:05,322 --> 01:30:07,116
No time to explain. Follow me.

2143
01:30:07,199 --> 01:30:08,742
To where?

2144
01:30:09,493 --> 01:30:10,536
Cincinnati.

2145
01:30:10,828 --> 01:30:12,287
ADAM: No, no, Dad, wait!

2146
01:30:13,372 --> 01:30:15,290
Why did my dad just kill Lou?

2147
01:30:18,627 --> 01:30:20,838
- He probably had an okay reason.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

2148
01:30:21,004 --> 01:30:22,840
Wait! Don't go with Adam!

2149
01:30:24,007 --> 01:30:25,008
( SCREAMS )

2150
01:30:26,009 --> 01:30:27,010
( SIGHS )

2151
01:30:27,094 --> 01:30:28,178
Patriot Lou.

2152
01:30:28,262 --> 01:30:29,430
Are those wooden teeth?

2153
01:30:29,513 --> 01:30:32,182
NICK: He looks like Cap'n Crunch
fucked Paul Revere.

2154
01:30:32,266 --> 01:30:33,934
His hair's breathtaking.

2155
01:30:34,017 --> 01:30:35,185
It's beautiful.

2156
01:30:36,311 --> 01:30:38,272
- Don't listen to him.
- Why?

2157
01:30:38,355 --> 01:30:40,065
It's a long story.

2158
01:30:40,149 --> 01:30:41,608
Believe me, he did us all a favor.

2159
01:30:41,692 --> 01:30:43,277
This one was bad.

2160
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:45,112
( STAMMERS ) Oh, okay.
The bigger question is, how...

2161
01:30:45,195 --> 01:30:47,072
That's not the only me.
You think you're the only you?

2162
01:30:47,156 --> 01:30:48,866
There's a ton of yous out there.

2163
01:30:49,074 --> 01:30:51,201
Look, you're gonna like this me
a lot better.

2164
01:30:51,285 --> 01:30:52,911
This me is great. Take it from me.

2165
01:30:53,162 --> 01:30:54,329
Holy shit.

2166
01:30:55,497 --> 01:30:56,999
I mean, you guys get it, right?

2167
01:30:57,749 --> 01:31:00,169
Multiple universes, like <i>Fringe.</i>

2168
01:31:02,713 --> 01:31:03,797
( SINGING ) <i>Nerd</i>

2169
01:31:03,881 --> 01:31:06,800
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2170
01:31:06,884 --> 01:31:08,051
<i>Poindexter</i>

2171
01:31:08,218 --> 01:31:10,387
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2172
01:31:10,554 --> 01:31:12,139
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2173
01:31:12,222 --> 01:31:13,223
ADAM: <i>You're a nerd</i>
<i>You're a nerd...</i>

2174
01:31:13,307 --> 01:31:14,475
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2175
01:31:14,558 --> 01:31:16,059
<i>You suck each other's dicks</i>

2176
01:31:16,143 --> 01:31:17,227
- Whoa!
- What?

2177
01:31:17,311 --> 01:31:18,312
<i>Let's...</i>

2178
01:31:18,395 --> 01:31:19,730
I'm sorry.

2179
01:31:20,063 --> 01:31:22,191
Obviously not the direction
of the song, right?

2180
01:31:22,274 --> 01:31:25,152
I totally misread that song. My apologies.

2181
01:31:25,736 --> 01:31:27,070
Okay, so what now?

2182
01:31:27,488 --> 01:31:28,822
Yeah. You guys gotta come with me.

2183
01:31:28,906 --> 01:31:30,073
To where?

2184
01:31:32,159 --> 01:31:34,495
We gotta make America happen, bro.

2185
01:31:37,372 --> 01:31:38,665
Ready for another dip?

2186
01:31:38,749 --> 01:31:40,125
You know, you're not gonna
be super welcome there,

2187
01:31:40,209 --> 01:31:41,668
-but we should totally go.
- I know.

2188
01:31:41,752 --> 01:31:43,003
- Are we going?
- Yeah.

2189
01:31:43,712 --> 01:31:45,339
( ALL SCREAMING )

2190
01:31:48,008 --> 01:31:50,427
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2191
01:31:50,511 --> 01:31:52,721
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2192
01:31:52,804 --> 01:31:55,349
<i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2193
01:31:55,432 --> 01:31:57,476
<i>And no one likes you</i>

2194
01:31:57,935 --> 01:31:59,186
( ALL CHEERING )

2195
01:31:59,520 --> 01:32:00,979
Adam saved Lincoln!

2196
01:32:01,063 --> 01:32:04,274
That parade was the single
greatest moment of my life.

2197
01:32:04,358 --> 01:32:05,442
More so than saving Lincoln?

2198
01:32:05,526 --> 01:32:07,110
No, that was the third
greatest moment of my life.

2199
01:32:07,194 --> 01:32:08,153
What was the second?

2200
01:32:08,237 --> 01:32:09,821
A parade I attended as a child.

2201
01:32:14,743 --> 01:32:15,786
Oh, shit, you guys.

2202
01:32:15,869 --> 01:32:17,704
I left my phone back in the 1800s.

2203
01:32:17,871 --> 01:32:19,373
I fed some gum to a dinosaur.

2204
01:32:19,540 --> 01:32:21,375
As long as we're coming clean,
I fucked Marilyn Monroe.

2205
01:32:21,542 --> 01:32:22,668
( SCOFFING )

2206
01:32:22,751 --> 01:32:24,586
Yeah. Sure you did, buddy.

2207
01:32:28,549 --> 01:32:30,551
Who's a nerd now, motherfuckers, huh?

2208
01:32:30,717 --> 01:32:31,927
I'm Arthur Miller.

2209
01:32:33,220 --> 01:32:34,388
Oh, come... Come on!

2210
01:32:40,519 --> 01:32:41,478
You look like...

2211
01:32:41,562 --> 01:32:43,230
- Come on, baby. You got this.
- Let him do it.

2212
01:32:43,313 --> 01:32:44,898
- Let him do it.
- JACOB: We'll let him do it.

2213
01:32:44,982 --> 01:32:46,775
Come on. Something fucked
something to make it happen.

2214
01:32:46,858 --> 01:32:49,111
It's easy. You just mash
two things up together

2215
01:32:49,194 --> 01:32:50,153
and then you nail him with it.

2216
01:32:50,237 --> 01:32:52,906
You look like... Kevin Yardley!

2217
01:32:53,073 --> 01:32:54,449
Who the fuck is Kevin Yardley?

2218
01:32:54,658 --> 01:32:56,868
A guy I went to high school with.
Yeah, he looks just like him.

2219
01:32:56,952 --> 01:32:59,621
Boo! You suck at this!

2220
01:33:04,751 --> 01:33:06,878
I just get sick of explaining it to him.

2221
01:33:06,962 --> 01:33:08,755
How hard is it to understand time travel?

2222
01:33:08,839 --> 01:33:11,300
I mean, we get it. E equals MC squared.

2223
01:33:11,383 --> 01:33:12,926
Einstein's a stupid fucking idiot.

2224
01:33:13,010 --> 01:33:14,011
- Right?
- Yeah.

2225
01:33:14,094 --> 01:33:15,596
( CROWD CHEERING )

2226
01:33:17,598 --> 01:33:19,850
ED SULLIVAN:
<i>Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles!</i>

2227
01:33:22,019 --> 01:33:23,395
( ALL LAUGHING )

2228
01:33:23,478 --> 01:33:25,147
You're fucking Ringo!

2229
01:33:25,272 --> 01:33:26,273
Damn it.

2230
01:33:29,651 --> 01:33:32,988
MAN: <i>Apple is going</i>
<i>to reinvent the phone.</i>

2231
01:33:36,533 --> 01:33:37,534
Explain yourself.

2232
01:33:37,618 --> 01:33:38,910
I will not.

2233
01:33:39,786 --> 01:33:40,787
I'm Nick Webber.

2234
01:33:40,871 --> 01:33:41,872
I'm Jacob Dorchen.

2235
01:33:41,955 --> 01:33:43,415
I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.

2236
01:33:43,498 --> 01:33:44,625
I'm Lou Dorchen.

2237
01:33:44,708 --> 01:33:49,046
All that and one less minute
tonight on <i>59 Minutes.</i>

2238
01:33:50,505 --> 01:33:52,758
( MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
ON RADIO )

2239
01:33:55,010 --> 01:33:57,179
- Yes!
- BOTH: The moon!

2240
01:33:57,346 --> 01:33:59,473
First man to save a President
and go into space.

2241
01:33:59,556 --> 01:34:01,475
It was just a soundstage in New Mexico.

2242
01:34:01,558 --> 01:34:03,143
It wasn't real.

2243
01:34:06,146 --> 01:34:07,189
( BELL DINGING )

2244
01:34:11,193 --> 01:34:12,653
LOU: You knew that was gonna happen!

2245
01:34:12,736 --> 01:34:14,363
What did I keep saying?
Protect the ears.

2246
01:34:14,446 --> 01:34:15,781
He was beating the shit out of me!

2247
01:34:16,490 --> 01:34:18,241
ANNOUNCER: <i>Dorchen does it again!</i>

2248
01:34:19,368 --> 01:34:20,911
<i>Unbelievable!</i>

2249
01:34:22,245 --> 01:34:24,665
Nothing but net. Nothing but net.

2250
01:34:24,831 --> 01:34:26,875
- You're just gonna keep saying...
- Nothing but net!

2251
01:34:31,880 --> 01:34:34,508
( SINGING ) <i>You're a fucking nerd</i>

2252
01:34:34,883 --> 01:34:37,052
Come on. No way!
I had sex with Marilyn Monroe!

2253
01:34:37,344 --> 01:34:38,887
<i>- You're a fucking nerd
- You're a nerd. You're a nerd</i>

2254
01:34:39,179 --> 01:34:40,347
Stop singing the song!

2255
01:34:40,514 --> 01:34:41,848
<i>- Nobody likes you
- Poindexter</i>

2256
01:34:42,015 --> 01:34:44,059
I won't listen to this song
one more fuckin' time!

2257
01:34:44,351 --> 01:34:45,394
No, no!

2258
01:34:51,149 --> 01:34:53,026
( UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING )